Thursday, 23 October 2008

Will Work For Food.

God, I did nothing yesterday. Absolutely fuck all. Not a blinking thing. And it took ages to do nothing yesterday. 24 flipping hours. But I managed it. I didn't watch telly or put the broken microwave in the shed or re-arrange my Daleks. Instead I did nothing. I mean, I walked the dog but that hardly counts as anything. Nothing funny happened there unless you find the sight of me picking up dogshit with a plastic bag that subsequently rips and the shit falls flat on the top of my shoe funny, and I seriously doubt that you do. And I suppose I went to they post office with loads of things I've flogged on eBay only to be told when I got there that I "KNOW THE POST OFFICE CLOSES EARLY ON WEDNESDAY'S DUE TO THE CLEARLY MARKED SIGN", but the thought of me struggling all the way there and back with parcels is hardly amusing. And, yes, I went to the hospital with Muki but that's a very serious subject indeed and I hardly think anyone would be giggling at the mere thought of me listening to serious medical procedure but straining to keep a straight face because the surgeon looks EXACTLY like Steve Martin in The Man With Two Brains and his name is Loic. So, yes, yes, I did DO stuff yesterday. But nothing really. Nothing that is going to move my career on.

When you're having a day were you're feeling like you're not moving your career on the sure-fire cure is to go and warm-up an audience for a top rated Channel 4 comedy programme. The joy that you feel just knowing that you've got an audience focussed, laughing and in the mood for a good night and then step off to the side so that people with real careers in comedy can take it from there really freezes the cockles of my heart. Luckily, 8 Out of 10 Cats is a lot of fun to do warm up for. Normally, you go out there to a bunch of cunts who think you're a cunt and then you behave like a cunt thus making them act even more like cunts until the famous cunts turn up. It's a pretty crappy job. But, as I've said before, 8/10 is set up like a real gig and the audience are there for comedy only, not stars. Just as well, really. Tonight's guests were Jim Jeffries and a woman called Olivia. The big surprise of the night, for me, was to discover that James Corden is not a complete and utter prick. I've never seen Gavin and Stacey but I'm fully prepared to say it's crap because it looks crap and everyone likes it and when I've seen James on TV he looks desperate. Not last night. He was a lot of fun mainly because he looked like he couldn't believe he was being paid to have a laugh. He looked like he was enjoying it so much that no matter what he said I'd have laughed. As it was, the things he said were funny. So, that was a turn up for the books. I'm still not going to watch Gavin and Stacey though. It looks crap and everyone likes it. Dangerous. I don't know too much about the 30 minute TV version of 8/10 but the 17 hour live version is definitely a lot of fun and if they could just show five hours of Sean Lock Going Mental outtakes I'd be very happy. Oh, and Charlie Brooker was there too. I think I'm scared of him a bit.

I had some friends turn up too, which was very nice. Jamie and Marisa were there as was comedy promoter Jon Briley who very kindly thanked me for the tickets. It's not like I charged him!!! Well, there'd be no point, I wouldn't get the money for 8 months. We had some drinks and watched some successful people swan around successfully. I just thought, yes I'm at the BBC and that is fun just in itself (every time you go to the toilet you think, Wow, Kenneth Kendall might have vomited here) and, yes, I'm getting free booze and I'm in a room with nice people (Zeppotron are excellent) but, really, where is my career going? Then I look over to see Jim Jeffries getting the phone number of some beautiful woman who wants to meet up with him in L.A. Down booze, get coat, leave.

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