Friday, 31 October 2008

Guess What The Internet Cafe I'm In Is Full Of?

I'm in Newcastle where they are having their local Festival of Rain, obviously. I don't think I've ever been here when it isn't raining and night time. Even now at 11am it's night time. I came up on the train which was a lot of fun for about 20 minutes because there were 12 teenage Hasidic Jews permanently getting moved around because they kept pretending that they didn't know the seats they were sitting in were reserved. It was funny because people were obviously annoyed but didn't say anything because if you did you'd appear racist even though they were being cheeky little bastards. Religious minority or not they were being rude. Eventually three of them sat by me which was fine while I was watching The Deadly Assassin, a brilliant Tom Baker story, but as soon as I got my book out to do a spot of reading they stopped laughing, joking and being teenagers and turned into the big starey-eyed people. The book I was reading was God Is Not Great by Christopher Hitchens.

I'm a bit worried about the flat that I'm staying in. The Hyena in Newcastle always puts up comedians in a quite nice flat about 10 minutes away from the gig. It's always been fine to stay in but when I arrived yesterday it was obvious that it hadn't been cleaned since the week before. I kept getting creeped out about lying in bed that night. Just the thought that I could be lying in Tony Hendricks' dried sweat or Ron Vaudry's tears made the hairs on the back of my neck vomit. It was (sort of) cleaned while I was at the gig so my mind is somewhat at rest. The gig was great although not everyone agreed with me. In fact, I was the only one on the bill who seemed to like it. Hey-ho. I'm not sure how this weekend is going to turn out. Maybe I'll tell you why tomorrow. I'm in an internet cafe FULL of cunts so I'd best go.

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