Wednesday, 12 August 2009

Sisters (Are Doing It For The Chippendales).

Women are fucking awful. They're fucking idiots. Don't they realise that the rise of feminism meant that they were taken seriously as intelligent beings? They were given the vote because their opinion mattered. Well, fuck their opinion, they shouldn't be allowed to vote because they're idiots. The only reason there are now two BNP candidates sitting in the European Parliament is because every woman in Britain voted them in.

Two nights ago I bumped into Mickey Flanagan and we went in to the Gilded Balloon for a beer. The bar room was completely full but the bar itself was totally empty. I got served and sorted in just over a minute and I'm grateful because I couldn't have lasted another second in that crowded room. Absolutely packed. Rammed. With women. Screaming, screaming women.

The "ladies" had come into the bar to get a glimpse of The Chippendales, six men who loathe themselves. These women didn't so much party like it's 1999 than screamed like it was 9/11. Their shrill whoops and cheers for six vain, pointless, ugly, frightened-of-their-own-soul strippers raped my eardrums while I watched the barman sigh his contempt. Then more women ran into the room. And then more. And more again. All running to see these idiots showing off that their one and only skill is that they know how to take their own trousers off.

This is the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. What the fuck are The Chippendale's doing here? What next? Spearmint-Rhino at Peter Buckley Hill's Free Fringe? And what are those screaming, badly-dressed, make-up-caked women doing here? I mean, I understand why they've come to see The Chippendales. They're thick. But surely to know that The Chippendales are on at The Edinburgh Fringe Festival then you've got to have heard of The Edinburgh Fringe Festival. There's no way that these walking-holes would have the first clue about fringe theatre. It's depressing.

But it only lasted a minute for me. But it was enough for me to hate all women. They should all be shot dead. Well, not Sarah Millican. She's really nice. And not my Mum, she would never scream at a male stripper. Bjork's good too. But the rest of womenkind can fuck off. Famke Jannssen can stay too. But that's it. And Carrie Fisher. And Stella Duffy, Chrissie Hynde, Kim Deal, Siouxsie Sioux, Patti Smith, Delia Derbyshire (even though she's dead), Tigs, Tracey Emin, Michelle Yeoh, Josie Long, Miranda Sawyer...alright, there's loads. But not that lot who watched The Chippendales. They were the worst things my eyes have ever been dissappointed by. Drunk, loud and ugly. That's not feminism. That's just being a man. And ALL men are cunts.

This was supposed to be about flyerers who bully other flyerers but I got upset about The Chippendales. Tomorrow maybe? The show's still going well. We even have an ending now. Now to learn the thing.


├ůsk Dabitch said...

I have always wondered what on earth women who scream for Chippendales are on. It's backwards. It's wrong. It's beneath anyone.

Some people think women shouting for chippendales is somehow putting us on equal footing with men, who have been able to scream at stripping ladies for as long as clothes & bars have existed. Only if we want to climb down into that gutter where the few men who do that exist. I'd rather elevate the discourse than sink that low.

(I've said it before, Chippendales are two wrongs that don't make a right - link below)

Gilder said...

Sarah Millican went to see The Chippendales for the Guardian podcast and was breathless and giggling.

I think grassing on Sarah Millican in the comment section of a blog is possibly the saddest act of my life to date.

Keep her anyways, she seems lovely.