Monday, 31 August 2009

PC Gone Mad.

Train heave on to Euston. Well, Kings Cross anyway.

I'm back in London and immediately it welcomed me back the way only London can. Queues to get a tube ticket, queues to get through the barrier at the tube, queues to go down the escalator down to the tube platform and, of course, the sight of the tube doors closing and the train moving away and the dot matrix saying the next train is in 8 minutes. 8 minutes is a very upsetting amount of time to wait on a tube, 2 minutes is just about bearable but 8 is the most insane thing that I have ever heard in my entire life. At least it was at the time. Then I got on the tube and a man in crutches and wearing soiled clothes followed, apologised for asking and then asked for some change so that he could stay in a hostel. Some people don't trust people who beg but I am not one of those people.

He looks like shit and he smells. If he's conning us then at least he's done his homework. I find some people's theories on the wealthy homeless hilarious and depressing. How many times have you heard "Don't give them anything. Look at their shoes. Their shoes are OK. He probably has a mansion in Chelsea and a Lambourgini and his own independent film company and stocks in Microsoft and is married to Madonna and owns the rights to The Beatles back catalogue and is Richard Branson and invented the diamond"? It's fucking ridiculous and just doesn't make sense. I'm a deeply cynical person but if I ever get suspicious of a skinny man who looks so uncomfortable with his own skeleton, has shit under his fingernails and requests 20 fucking pence then it's time to take a long hard look at myself. I gave him some change. So did some other people. But a cunt didn't.

He was from the Department of Cunts, too. Very official. He had a badge and ID and he was so big and tough and it soooooooo impressed all of us when he stood over this skeletal half-man while he threw him off the train. "I'm Transport Police", he declared. "Do not give this man any money. Begging is a criminal offence. Get off this train at the next stop". The homeless man had to give some change back to the last man who gave him money. It wasn't just embarrassing it was simply horrible and evil. What difference could it possibly have made to this big badge-flashing shit if someone took a bit of spare change from someone else? How can Mr. Transport Police justify this action? He could plainly see that this man was, at the very least, ill. He might be on drugs, he might spend it on booze!!! We're ALL on fucking drugs and we ALL spend it on fucking booze. Why should he be left out? And what a fucking cowardly job being Transport Police is. I understand that violence occurs on trains but I have never seen any police around when this happens. Do they just sit there waiting for life's little fuck-ups to come along asking for change or fare dodging? That whole helping people thing really has to be stamped out. Thanks, pigs!

Yeah, I'm in a mood. Ha! See, he misses Edinburgh already. He's only back 5 minutes and he's missing it. WRONG. My TV blew up. That's why I'm pissed off. Might not have one for a few days. It is literally the end of the world and really puts that homeless man's petty begging into perspective. He doesn't know how lucky he is. There's only one thing worse than no TV and that's a TV that doesn't work.

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