Let's start with pretty ordinary Edinburgh stuff. Firstly, our last two shows have been a bit crappy. We've got laughs and enough people in to watch us but Johnny and I have been....shit. Well, not as good as we can be anyway. Believe it or not, Johnny and I have a self-indulgence line but we crossed it badly over the last two. What a pair of cunts. But, we made sure we did this in front of our peers. Stewart Lee returned to see the show this time with Bridget Christie. Johnny and I love both of them but we couldn't help but think we bored the arse off them. Then today we had Collings and Herrin in, our favourite podcast double act. We love them. We love them to bits and we showed that love by being a pair of dicks in front of them. Excellent. There were other comics in the audience too. Andre Vincent was one of them. NEVER fuck up in front of Andre. I await his opinion with incredible fear. We really need to sort that out. This review is too kind: http://edinburgh-festivals.com/viewreview.aspx?id=628
Edinburgh is full of wank. It's just wank, wank, wank. Fucking tedious 48hr comedy shows, cunting wankers doing shows up Arthur's Seat and the last two King of Everythings. And last night I did a show which by all rights should have been wank. And maybe it was. Twitter Comedy Club is a one-off show run by the hard-working Tiernan Douieb at The GRV Cube, the venue that is home to King of Everything. Well, it was nice to see what that room looked like full but the gig was certainly....something. About 400 stand-ups had 4 minutes each to tell jokes that were then written down and put on Twitter. It didn't work but that doesn't mean it wasn't funny. The backdrop to the gig was a screen that had Twitter.com projected on to it so that we could see all the comments from and to @twittercomedyclub. I quickly figured out that I could have fun with this by heckling other acts from the back of the room without opening my mouth. I told Matt Green to do his Crunchy Nut Corn Flake material and informed the audience that I was masturbating in my seat. It passed the time until I was introduced on stage where I soon discovered that the Chortle Award is sooooooooo right. I am DEFINITELY funnier off stage.
One thing That I forgot to blog about was my recent meeting with Evening Standard reviewer Bruce Dessau. I met him at Brooke's Bar. He seemed very nice but our intro wasn't great.He said "Are you the grumpy blogger?" Well, it's not a great rap-name but I'll take it. He said that he saw a blog where I slagged him off. I don't remember ever mentioning him in my blog but he whipped out his iPhone and proved that I had by showing it to me. Who says critics are insecure? My point, in the blog, that he had spent two much time focusing on Janeane Garofolo's death at Latitude and not enough praising Ed Byrne for his incredible performance afterwards. He disagreed. Then he read his own review and said "Actually, yeah, maybe". That is a huge backdown for a critic surely? We had a bit of a laugh about it and, before leaving, he said "Don't say anything bad about me in your blog". I replied "No. I'll just call you a cunt to your face."
And now today....
What did you do today? Shopping? Looking after the kids? Went to work, came home, drank a bottle of wine and hated yourself to sleep? Not me. I did something really exciting. I sneaked someone out of hospital.
My friend is in hospital following a car accident that left her with a fractured skull and some swelling of the brain. She is bored beyond belief and loves the Fringe so much that it is next to killing her being in Edinburgh and not at the fringe. She has to stay in hospital so that she can be tested every day to see if the damage to her brain is serious or not. She looks and acts fine but these things have to be treated very seriously. Sitting all day in hospital is making her unhappy and I just decided "Fuck it", let's go into town. We got ready, walked outside and jumped in a cab. I promised her a small walk around the Pleasance, dinner at David Bann's Restaurant and any show she wanted to see. She immediately said that she had to see Rob Heeney's Rom.Com show at The Free Fringe. If those Doctors wanted to find out if she has brain damage or not surely now they realise what a terrible condition she is in.
I've seen shows. Here's some I recommend: Richard Herring's Hitler Moustache is incredible, Sarah Millican's Typical Woman is hilarious and punchy and Rob Heeney's Rom.Com is funny, charming and (I don't really know how he does this) relaxing. Especially if you have brain damage.
By the way, how great is this? I saw autographs of the stars of Monkey in a pub.