Thursday, 14 May 2009

Boldly Fuck Off.

Today hasn't started well. I woke up way too early due to beer the night before. I felt groggy, a little hungover and very grumpy. It was only 7.30 so I thought it was best to go downstairs, sit in my own mess and force my bastard eyes to watch Bring Back Star Trek.

Christ Almighty, does anyone actually like Justin Lee Collins and if so can you tell me why you like him? What does he do? It's like a top television executive saw someone who was quite good at singing at a karaoke bar one night and then, while having a brain haemorrhage, offered him whatever the fuck he wanted. Just because he has a ridiculous voice then we must just assume he's a laugh or, even fucking worse, lovable. He is neither. He is utterly upsetting and a cunt. I know a fair few people who know him and say that he's actually a really nice guy but I'm afraid he can't be. A nice guy wouldn't do what he does. I get called bitter a lot because of this blog and I often find that ridiculous. I'm not bitter (mostly), I just want things to be better. I'm not saying I can make them better but there are people out there who can. Justin Lee Collins is not one of them. BUT....I think I am bitter towards Justin Lee Collins. I'm bitter and angry and frustrated because I just cannot fathom what it is about him that anyone could like. Even Justin Lee Collins hates Justin Lee Collins. Look at his tired, sad face faking more energy and "fun" while his brown, shitty soul pours more and more of itself out of his colon and into his wacky underpants. He knows that we know but NO-ONE IS SAYING IT. WHY IS JUSTIN LEE COLLINS? That's the big question. I am bitter. I'm bitter as fuck because, as little as I have done, all I see is a fat hair-do who woke up, put on whatever hilarious t-shirt was lying nearest him and got a career. The fat fucking cunt. And bringing back Star Trek? For fuck sake! You can't bring back something that hasn't gone away. What next, Justin? Bring Back The Jonas Brothers? The News? The Sea? In summary: I hate Justin Lee Collins but, and here's the twist, I can't stop watching him. There's the rub. The reason that pathetic amount of flesh is famous is because of me and people like me. He's like a one-man version of Lost and we must keep watching until it's all explained. But so far, we're just left with mystery.

Still, I saw Star Trek yesterday and it's great. It's very, very flawed but still great fun. It's main problem is the references. It just can't leave itself alone. In a way, it's a massive budget version of Bring Back Star Trek minus the cunt. Pretty much every line of dialogue was basically saying "Eh? Eh? Did you get that, Trekkies? That was for you". But that's trivial because it's a great film. Stupid and brilliant. Karl Urban as Bones is excellent, best thing in the film in fact. I'm glad Justin brought it back.

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1 comment:

Insults said...

What next, Justin? Bring Back The Jonas Brothers? ..Just made me laugh out loud and simultaneously snort a coco pop.