Friday, 2 January 2009

Two Thousand and Nine.

Happy New Year to you. Thank the Lord 2008 is over. It was a terrible year full of death and illness. Obviously I hope yours was better than that but that's how it was for me. 2009 has to be better. I think I'll start with some new year's resolutions to help steer me to a happy, successful 12 months. I'm definitely going to work harder this year which should be dead easy as I was a lazy, lazy man work-wise all of 2008 and 2007 and probably the four or five years before that. So, that's good. I'll look after myself better this year too. Again, quite easy as I've lived on beer and Wispas for ages now. Plus, I should try to become famous and rich and the new, hip thing that rich comedians are doing these days is either not swearing or dragging up and wee-weeing their talent away while blindly assuming everyone in Britain loves everything they do. Well, I don't have a dress so I'd best give up swearing. That'll make me much more viable for telly. So, here's to a truly great 2009. It HAS to be better than 2008. 2008 was a wally.

God, not swearing's hard.

I celebrated New Year's Night in style. Sadly, the style was "battered homeless". The Fox & Firkin, a fantastic pub round the corner from my house, held a very unimaginative 70's night, a baffling decade to want to celebrate. People dressed up with afro-wigs, brightly coloured flared trousers and HIGHlarious moustaches, completely ignoring the continuous black-outs, bombing campaigns, accepted racism and the rise of Thatcherism. The great thing about The Fox & Firkin is that the people that go there are all young, trendy students type or at least they are when you don't put on a corduroy and crimpelene-filled, eye-rollingly boring "Disco Night". Everyone there was ancient. Some of them were my age or, occassionally, OLDER! It wasn't a night without it's moments however because I was lucky enough to meet the least likely gay couple in the world. One was a tattooed, shaven-headed, huge thug of a man holding hands and discussing their future wedding with what can only be described as a crusty. In a way, it's a truly beautiful thing that two completely different people can fall in love and be proud of that love publicly but, equally, there was just something really funny about it. It was like Arthur Mullard romantically wooing Wurzel Gummidge. But they were very nice and good fun and, as The Fox & Firkin wasn't getting any better, we left to spend the rest of the evening with a piano player and a trombonist at the Ladywell Tavern. It was a lot better than it sounds. My friend Heather, drunk on the excitement of a new year and cider, forced herself into the role of singer in this little group to much cheers from the room. Ain't Misbehavin', Route 66, Crazy. It's amazing the amount of songs she doesn't know the words to. It was a good night full of booze and friends. Even the hangover the next day was quite nice. We all just lay in my living room, barely moving and watching The Ark In Space (Doctor Who, 1975) and drinking lots of Diet Coke. Mind you, I kept having to swallow a little bit of puke every 15 minutes or so.

Was there anything good in 2008? Not much. Music was pretty bad. I honestly can't think of a single great album from the whole year. I liked two films (The Dark Knight and In Bruges) and some telly (Screenwipe and....maybe that's it). I think Collings and Herrin Podcasts have been the funniest thing of the year and Scott Capurro's stand up was amazing. He's fantastic. The highlights for me were The Real Daniel O'Donnell Show, The Clock Hour and the one Los Quattros show that we did and I loved. I've also really got a kick out of people reading the blog and leaving comments, especially around Edinburgh time. It was nice to have that release. Other than that it was all lung removal, special needs school getting knocked down to make a traveller's site and Brandy Borr dying for me. I didn't like any of those things. But, if we must look at a bright side, and although I don't think we HAVE to I will anyway; that year is all in the past and 2009 has started well. I've watched Doctor Who with some baffled Americans and the Wii Fit just told me that I am as fit as a man two years younger than me. That's not amazing but it's a start. Plus I haven't sworn once. I should be hearing from a top TV producer anytime soon.

And when I say top TV producer I do mean cunt.

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