They Came, They Saw, They Talked The Whole Way Through It.

I did two gigs last night and on reflection they were both good but I really didn't like one of them at the time. My first gig was at The Funny Side of Covent Garden, an excellent gig run by David Bourn, a man who is hard-working and passionate about comedy. I always have a problem playing his gig though because I've known David for 15 years and just think of going to his club as "I'm off for a drink with Dave". Then I get there and shit myself because I've just remembered I've got a gig. And last night was weird but probably not as bad as I thought while on stage. The front three rows all knew each other, never a good sign. They were, basically, posh city boys with loads of money and awful, awful, screeching, orange, murderable girlfriends. They were the worst kind of Trophy Girlfriend, mainly because they'd make you look like you'd come in last, but also because they found it impossible to simply shut the fuck up. Everything I said they took at face value and believed it - loudly. They had to comment on everything; I'm from Ireland, "Ohhh, I was finkin ov goin there. Iz well nice, innit". I live in London now, "London iz wicked, thass were I iz right now an everyfin". Shut the fuck up, "You know what I'm sayin, ahm alwayz shoutin that in my own ead". Awful cunts. But the bulk of the room was pretty nice so I shouldn't really have got that upset and it was very nice seeing the city boys looking genuinely embarrassed by their dates. They should be. Dump them. Now.

Then I went on to Big Night Out, Leicester Square which is the independent comedy club's FUCK YOU to the Comedy Store. It's right next door, sells out all the time and is a brilliant club. Apparently, it's very existence really pisses off Comedy Store owner Don Ward so I think that's a good enough reason to support it. The gig was great but boiling hot. The audience were a lot of fun and I really enjoyed mucking about with them. It's all run by Jeremy O'Donnell who is very funny and obviously great at running a top quality club. Apparently, he gave up a hugely well paid job in Australia to come back to the UK and start a career in comedy. The dozy cunt.

Sadly, I didn't see any of the other acts that were on the bills last night so I can't slag them off but I did meet up with Robin Ince afterwards so I can slag him off. It was very nice seeing Robin and even nicer seeing lots of people come up to him to tell him how brilliant he is. So they should as he's by far one of the most underrated comedians in the country and I'd say that even if he was huge. We decided to go for a few drinks so Robin suggested meeting at the bar in the Curzon Cinema, Soho because he's a big poncey twat and he was introducing a film showing there at 11.30. The film was Cry Baby by John Waters and it was fun seeing so many people say how much they thought that Cry Baby wasn't one of Waters best and wasn't it a big sell out that he made it and isn't it a shame that they're not showing that black & white film Waters made in 1902 where Divine ate a ton of human faeces? I realised that, although nice spending time with Robin, that I was not meant for this little world. The Curzon doesn't sell popcorn but does sell carrot cake, it sells DVDs of Q&A's by the director of Reykjavik 101 and FUCK OFF because Cry Baby is by FAR John Waters' best film. It's funny, it has Johnny Depp in it and it's not wedged 8 miles up it's own arsehole. I'm not complaining too much though because the people that I actually met, as opposed to eavesdropped on, were lovely, especially the owner of the Curzon who I was jealous of because he has his own cinema. That must be nice. Even if it shows a lot of crap. I checked the listings; not a single Bill and Ted film on in the next six months. Insane.

Allow me to reccommend a podcast, it's the Amnesty International Secret Policeman's Ball 2008 series featuring Robin Ince interviewing a comedian each week running up to the actual event. The first one is available now and features Robin talking to Stewart Lee. It's very good indeed. Go to iTunes and type in Secret Policeman's Ball, that's the best and seemingly only way you'll find it. To be honest, I really only listened to it because I heard Stewart Lee said some really nice things about The Clock Hour but Amnesty must have censored him, the fucking Nazi bastards.