Sunday, 14 September 2008

Don't Just Sit There, Kick Justin Lee Collins To Death.

Justin Lee Collins. Isn't he just King Cunt? As I write, I'm watching Bring Back Star Wars, a documentary full of incredible insights such as Kenny Baker has a big cock (HILARIOUS! Because Kenny Baker is a fucking little midget! BRILLIANT!), Darth Vader has a huge helmet (HE MEANS HE HAS A BIG COCK! HIGH-larious!) and Luke Skywalker always handled his own weapon (FUCKING GREAT! He means that actor Mark Hamill actually has a penis! BRILLIANT!). Anyway, the documentary follows Justin Lee Collins' embarrassing hair as it tries to convince the stars of the original Star Wars to reunite. Shockingly, Harrison Ford declined, not because he wants to disassociate himself from Star Wars but because, like Justin Lee Collins, he fucking hates Justin Lee Collins. Honestly, have you ever seen anyone look so much like they know they're about to be found out at any second? He has the guiltiest look of any celebrity this side of John Leslie, and at least all John Leslie ever did was rape everyone. He didn't go up to Carrie Fisher and say "What was it like to have two buns on your head?", which, as you know, is worse. Basically throughout this two-hour celebration of arse, all Cunt Face does is run around bullying Billy Dee Williams' into doing an interview, boring C-3PO to death and securing the man who played Chewbacca, Boba Fett's helmet and half a fucking Ewok reunite for the very first time since the last Sci-Fi convention. I fucking hate him. I love Star Wars and after this documentary all that cunt has done is slightly make Jar-Jar Binks look a bit better. During an interview, Justin says these words: "Return of the Jap's-Eye". I would NEVER get bored of kicking him.

Lewisham Council have been charming again. They've just sent me a letter telling me how successful Travellers' Awareness Week was. Might have been nice if they'd let everyone (or anyone) in our street know that Travellers' Awareness Week actually existed but you can't have everything or anything. They also held a huge display in my local park under the banner of Lewisham Homes. It was designed to let people know that Lewisham is a great place to move to and, if you're already a resident, told you all the reasons why you'll never move away. I had a look round and by all accounts there has never been a single count of crime in Lewisham ever. I assume the constant sirens I hear is just the result of bored coppers making sure the equipment actually works. Also there wasn't a single mention of Lewisham Council bulldozing a special needs school to the ground to make way for a travellers' site. Move to Lewisham, people! No crime, no schools, no Justin Lee Collins.

9 comments:

Gareth Spoon said...

I found this blog by typing "Justin Lee Collins is a cunt" into Google, because I'd just seen him on a trailer for the Star Wars programme.

I'd like to see him have his head knocked off with a cricket bat. He really is the most irritating person in the world.

Good job on the blog.

Anonymous said...

He isn't just a cunt. He's a king size, mastercunt. See what we think of him. The cunt. http://www.dont-start-me-off.com/CelebInfo.php?celeb_id=34

Anonymous said...

What a tosser he is. Great blog, I hope JLC dies painfully.

Chin Billy said...

I also got irritated by this talentless twat and google turned up your post. Why oh why is he on TV at all? Bah!

Anonymous said...

Great blog, I too found it via google. It will be the understatement of the century to call this fat ugly unfunny fuck a cunt, cause he embodies cunt, he's twat personified.

Cornz said...

"He's a twat pasonified".
No, he's a twat AMPLIFIED.

3cardmonte said...

I would consider it my social responsibility to kick this abusive, talentless, mean spirited sack of monkey phegm to death to make the world a better place!

Anonymous said...

WHAT THE FUCK! You all know fuck all about JLC really. He was so funny on tv. Record ANY of you wankers word for word when you have a ridiculously pissed argument, and put in in a headline to read literally, and you'd all be doing community service dickheads!!

So much hate for a really funny guy!

FUCK THIS BLOG THAT'S STILL ACTIVE!! WTF!! FUCK YOU MICHAEL LEGGE! YOU are the main CUNT (as you all so nicely say).

Anonymous said...

Justin Lee Collins is obviously a really great guy with a great sense of juvenile humour, like most of us!

An ex drove him absolutely mental (or each other absolutely mental more like), unfortunately written down for all to see (repeat.. THEY DIDN'T GET ON).. get over it & take this insulting blog down now!

His ex-WIFE said he was never violent towards her, and was always kind and gentle, and is a great dad to their kids - quote..

JLC! JLC! JLC! WE LOVE YOU!

what kind of utter bastard wrote this blog