Justin Lee Collins. Isn't he just King Cunt? As I write, I'm watching Bring Back Star Wars, a documentary full of incredible insights such as Kenny Baker has a big cock (HILARIOUS! Because Kenny Baker is a fucking little midget! BRILLIANT!), Darth Vader has a huge helmet (HE MEANS HE HAS A BIG COCK! HIGH-larious!) and Luke Skywalker always handled his own weapon (FUCKING GREAT! He means that actor Mark Hamill actually has a penis! BRILLIANT!). Anyway, the documentary follows Justin Lee Collins' embarrassing hair as it tries to convince the stars of the original Star Wars to reunite. Shockingly, Harrison Ford declined, not because he wants to disassociate himself from Star Wars but because, like Justin Lee Collins, he fucking hates Justin Lee Collins. Honestly, have you ever seen anyone look so much like they know they're about to be found out at any second? He has the guiltiest look of any celebrity this side of John Leslie, and at least all John Leslie ever did was rape everyone. He didn't go up to Carrie Fisher and say "What was it like to have two buns on your head?", which, as you know, is worse. Basically throughout this two-hour celebration of arse, all Cunt Face does is run around bullying Billy Dee Williams' into doing an interview, boring C-3PO to death and securing the man who played Chewbacca, Boba Fett's helmet and half a fucking Ewok reunite for the very first time since the last Sci-Fi convention. I fucking hate him. I love Star Wars and after this documentary all that cunt has done is slightly make Jar-Jar Binks look a bit better. During an interview, Justin says these words: "Return of the Jap's-Eye". I would NEVER get bored of kicking him.
Lewisham Council have been charming again. They've just sent me a letter telling me how successful Travellers' Awareness Week was. Might have been nice if they'd let everyone (or anyone) in our street know that Travellers' Awareness Week actually existed but you can't have everything or anything. They also held a huge display in my local park under the banner of Lewisham Homes. It was designed to let people know that Lewisham is a great place to move to and, if you're already a resident, told you all the reasons why you'll never move away. I had a look round and by all accounts there has never been a single count of crime in Lewisham ever. I assume the constant sirens I hear is just the result of bored coppers making sure the equipment actually works. Also there wasn't a single mention of Lewisham Council bulldozing a special needs school to the ground to make way for a travellers' site. Move to Lewisham, people! No crime, no schools, no Justin Lee Collins.