OK, here's a delicate one. I've started to turn into a right-wing Nazi recently and I'm not sure what to do about it. Allow me to cut a long story short: I live in a very nice cosy little cul-de-sac in Lewisham, totalling just 20 houses. Everyone in our street is quite groovy and arty and, to make us even more right on, at the very end there's a little tiny school for special needs kids. That's nice, isn't it? Anyhoo, Lewisham Council have closed the school down, they want to bulldoze it to the fucking ground and build a site for "travellers". It's the story that the Daily Mail has always dreamt about.
Can you see why I might just be a little bit out of my fucking mind with fury right now, dear reader? Everyone has the right to lead any type of lifestyle that they wish and if a certain group of people want to pretend that they live a respected and traditional nomadic existence while actually arranging dog fights and selling their own organs for Cider Vouchers then that's totally up to them. I haven't got a problem with those cunts. My problem lies firmly with the award-winning ballbags at Lewisham Council. Fine. Build a £2 million site for these noble minstrels to burn down and rape, but don't knock down a school for special needs kids to do it. It's PC gone 9/11.
A couple of months ago at a town meeting I asked a knuckle-dragging sack of awful called Carol Long from Lewisham Council about the ethics of this. Luckily, Carol is the sort of smug bastard that when she patronisingly talks to you she patronisingly closes her eyes at the same time which meant she couldn't see the childish faces I was making. She tried to explain to me how lucky we all were to be allowed the travelling community to become part of our street (Note: the only other part of Lewisham that was deemed "lucky" enough for this project is a disused lorry park but it was rejected for some reason. I'm guessing the reason is that the council offices overlook the lorry park. I mean, we couldn't have our lovely council looking at the scary hobbits, could we?) all the while saying the word "travellers" about 700 times. I admit it, I cracked. I felt the right-winger within rise up and before I could stop myself I regretfully said "If they're travellers, WHY DON'T THEY TRAVEL?" I know. I'm a cunt. Carol then closed her eyes to tell me that just because they're travellers doesn't mean that they travel and when I explained that that's exactly what it meant she just smiled and said "Well, what's your definition of a traveller?" That was her big answer! That was it! I stared at her and said "I have three words for you. Alan Fucking Whicker".
So, that was a few months ago and today I'm a little bit freshly angry at the council because after we explained that if they destroy the entire area that the school is on they will also be destroying various rare plants and trees (which is totally against the Councils own rules, but fuck it, who cares?), they have claimed that defending this type of wildlife only shows my predjudice against another race (all the travellers are white). So, in other words, DON'T COME TO LEWISHAM FOREIGNERS! WE HAVE RACIST TREES! Not only that, the council have confirmed that the destruction of the school will start very, very soon.
Just in case you think I'm getting hysterical then please think on this. Remember that news story a couple of years ago about the family of "travellers" who got pissed on an Easyjet flight and had to be kicked of the plane? Well, they're the ones moving into my street. Not people LIKE them, it's THEM. FUCKING CUNTS!!!
On a lighter note, The Clock Hour was fantastic last night. I really loved it. Steve Lamaq promised to turn up but it was even better because he didn't. Prick. The show was all the better for having Dan Mersh in it. He's a very funny man indeed and it was stupid that we didn't put more pressure on him and manipulated him into coming to Edinburgh. Hopefully he'll be in more Real Daniel shows in the future. I'm tired now. I need a Fanta Lemon. BYE!