Thursday, 19 March 2009

Tom is Hard Work II.

I saw Tom again yesterday. I wasn't expecting to see him again and when I found out that I was, I felt a bit sick. This time the meeting was mercifully brief but he displayed all of his foibles in that short time with great gusto. In fact, he didn't even need to open his mouth (although he fucking did) to annoy the shit out of the world because his t-shirt was a bastard all on it's own. It said "NO, I'M NOT ON F@*#ING FACEBOOK!". This was ridiculous for several reasons. No-one asked him if he was on Facebook. The Facebook craze has passed so no-one really asks that question at all now. He is on Facebook (I rejected his friend request yesterday). And, finally, there is nothing more infuriating than censored swearing. If you don't want to swear, then don't swear. If you do, fine, just don't put loads of hash signs and shit in it instead of letters. People aren't offended by the actual spelling of a swear word.

It was a lovely day yesterday. Very sunny. I spent a good chunk of the day sitting outside drinking beer with Paul Litchfield. Drinking beer in the sun is as close to nirvana that we humans will ever reach. It was a really lovely day ruined only by the glimpse of an OK! Jade Goody Tribute Magazine. I don't think you should be able to read your own commemorative tribute about how you died. Especially when the magazine is called OK!

I'm off to Liverpool this weekend. Speaking of Paul Litchfield, The Trap are playing the final of three comeback gigs this sunday at the Hen & Chickens, Islington. I can't urge you enough to go. The Trap are honestly the best there is. They're the funniest sketch group I've ever seen. Make sure you go. You could be stopping the next Horne & Corden by buying a ticket.

By the way, and this is pure laziness, are you a regular-ish reader of this blog? Can you think of any particularly good ones? I'm reading some out at the London Word Festival this sunday. It could be very, very shit. Make sure you're there. Thank you!


cripesonfriday said...

The one about Paul Ross on Bid Tv was funny as hell, I emailed it to my wife.

Dean Burnett, Neuroscientist said...

Several of the Edinburgh ones are superb. The seeing Tim Key with a beard entry includes the immortal phrase "I have no choice but to fight him".

Also the encounter with a fucking child on the Royal Mile, where you said you were in prison for child sex crimes, has the gem "He assumed I was joking. I was lying, but I wasn't joking".

I tend to remember phrases.

Anonymous said...

The one when where you described an ageing lounge singer as having a 'broken, terracota fanny' was a particular favourite of mine. And also the one where you accidentally spat on Jerk and an onlooker told you you might as well have hit him.

Anonymous said...

I enjoy the imagery of your shopping trips to the not-so-vegetarian trendy vegan market. Your descriptions ring true from half a globe away.

Also, the drunken trivia night story was incredible!

Mark Pearson said...

N*t sur* w*at yo*r *roblem is abou* c**sored s*earing. I* t*kes alls*rts t* ma*e a fucking w*rld, y*u kn*w.