For all those concerned, Jerk was great yesterday. There were so many fireworks that she stopped hearing them after a while. Of course, she was chillaxing while taking hits from da bong. Well, Rescue Remedy anyway. It's great. It makes dogs very mellow. I thought I'd give it a try myself but the taste made me furious. I'm the same with Radox. The smell just irritates me and I get all cross and I can't relax. Then I light some candles but that just makes things worse because now I'm grumpy and sitting in the smelly dark.
I had a second visit to the doctors in a week yesterday. My feet are being completely childish. They are refusing to accept my blood circulation which means I can't take any salt for a while and have to put my feet up as often as I can. I'm so fine with this. I don't like salt (especially Radox Bath Salt) and I love doing fuck not nothing. Unfortunately, my examination went on a lot longer than I thought and I was late for a voiceover that I was doing in central London. I ran all the way to the train station (which did me no good. It hurt my feet and I look like a twat when I run) and got to the studio two minutes early. I'm so obsessed with being on time that being two minutes early is actually late to me.
When I arrived I was given a script. One of the lines I had to say was "I want a good sports package". This would test my acting ability to it's limits. I sat down with the three other people who were also recording their voices to sell broadband and telly. The first person I met was Elizabeth (I think) who looked like a tiny wee hippy chick but had the voice of a dominatrix. She was nice. The second was Russell Tovey, the actor who plays the werewolf in Being Human. He was also in an episode of Doctor Who. a really shit episode of Doctor Who but it still impressed me. I introduced myself to him with a very uncomplicated "Hello. I'm Michael". "Michael Legge?", he replied.
This made me so happy that my feet cured themselves and I started elevating about three inches off my seat. Russell Tovey, the actor I wanted to be the next Doctor, knows who I am. This is very exciting. He's probably read my blog, right? I mean, who doesn't? Perhaps he's one of the intimate few who subscribe to Precious Little. No. I know what it is. He's seen me on Street-Cred Sudoku four years ago. That show meant a hell of a lot to a hell of a lot. Anyway, he had seen my name on the list at reception when he arrived and he was all excited because he has a friend called Michael Legge who was in Angela's Ashes and is the bane of my fucking life. I deflate easily and as I was crumpling to the ground I was introduced to the third person at our table. Her name was Lucy. Lucy Gaskell. Lucy Gaskell who played the part of Kathy Nightingale in Blink, widely considered to be the best ever episode of Doctor Who (not mine, though I think it's excellent). Fuck Russell and his imposter Michael Legge. Lucy was in a proper Doctor Who, not a children's episode.
FUCKING BRILLIANT! This could only be beaten by Sally Sparrow turning up. Or an angry statue.
The voiceover was tricky. They wanted me to be shouty, friendly, aggressive and happy. I tried to point out that you can't be all four at once but they were having none of it. Every take was greeted with "Can you be lighter next time, Michael?" or "More firm and direct. Punch the words". It wasn't the words I wanted to punch. Luckily, Lucy from BLINK had gone. She had done her work in as many takes as me but at least she looked like it didn't bother her. Elizabeth (I think) did it in two takes. I think her voice was making the guy at the sound desk horny and he couldn't take anymore. Which left just me and Russell. I'm glad Russell asked me to go first because otherwise how would he know that the original Michael Legge is completely incompetent at reading out loud.
He was very nice though.
After Jerk had calmed down last night, I went to host the excellent Celebrity Pub Quiz at The Hob, Forest Hill. At the corner of the bar I saw a man who looked the absolute double of Nicholas Briggs, the man who does the voices of the Daleks and Cybermen in new Doctor Who. I turned to Emma, who runs the gig, and said "Wow. That man is the absolute double of Nicholas Briggs, the man who does the voices of the Daleks and Cybermen in new Doctor Who". Emma made her excuses and walked away.