Give Over.

Saving the world is never going to be easy. It's tough. You have to suffer through a lot if you want to see proper change taking place on this unfeeling and unfair planet. I suffered through about an hour and 20 minutes of trying to do the right thing but I will never do it again. Children In Need should be shot.

Look, I understand that the cause is good but it also highlights the problem too clearly and yet somehow ignores it at the same time. Maybe there wouldn't be these problems of neglect, abuse and underfunded children's hospices (in a time when we have to financially aid incompetent bankers and moat loving politicians) if more was made of that there dignity thing. I dunno, maybe if we just thought a bit more about how we would wish to be perceived then maybe we'd think more about other people, eh? I mean, if we didn't think about other people and how they are cared for then we'd look like pricks. Obviously, this hasn't occurred to the incompetent bankers and moat loving politicians and as a result we, the ordinary people, have to put our hands in our pockets and help. It is because of this that Children In Need MUST exist. And it is because of this that John Barrowman MUST die.

We are all used to newsreaders learning a dance routine or Lesley Joseph wearing a slit dress while singing Hey Big Spender to a young, disinterested homosexual but over the last few years we have been thrown the excrement of John Barrowman as a way of persuading us to help the disadvantaged. Children who live in squalor and fear. Children who live in despair. Children who have no telly. The jammy bastards.

John Barrowman just appears like the alcoholic that doesn't know he has a problem while we watch with incredible pity and thinking he needs our help more than the kids do. Except he's not reliant on booze to get him through his every waking moment. He is simply addicted to himself. Thank fuck that Children In Need had a 5 minute Doctor Who clip and Terry Wogan, brilliantly grumping his way through everything. Every time Blonde 12 or Woman From Strictly spoke he just rolled his eyes and begged for a sniper. It is hard not to love him. THAT is what charity work should be. You do it because you feel you have to not because you're going to enjoy it. Sir Terry should definitely be knighted. Again.

But Barrowman is a different thing altogether. It's not about charity work, it's about embarrassing yourself, your family, everyone you know and everyone else. I'm sure there are community projects that are receiving money from Children In Need right now and feeling dirty about it. They will try to put the money to good use but will they ever rid their minds of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16_iGQIiNdw

Before Children In Need I had the good fortune to be compering the Covent Garden Comedy Club which is in Heaven, the very nightclub that the smelly religious man on the train said that gays would never get into. I'm sure there were a few in though and it was a great night. Lots of fun. After the gig I met Ian who works at the gig. He is a very nice man who made me laugh a lot. Not sure he meant to but he did. Allow me to quote him: "Out of the two jobs I've ever had, McDonalds and here, this is my favourite".

By the way, I DID donate to CIN but it wasn't because I watched John Barrowman do his dance thingy. It really wasn't, OK? I donated because I didn't see Peter Kay. Now that's worth investing in.

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