Just a quick being nice update.
Although I've generally been trying to be horribly pleasant at all times since yesterday there have only been a couple of highlights. I've been doing a spot of gardening over the last couple of weeks and have now built up a massive pile of twigs and branches to burn. I love setting fire to things.
Sadly, not everyone likes me setting fire to things. They just don't see the beauty in destruction by flame like I do. Remember that next time you invite me round to your house. Anyway, the fire was going really well and I was standing beside it laughing maniacally when I heard a knock on my back gate. No-one has ever knocked my back gate before and that was enough to set Jerk into a mental frenzy. It was one of my neighbours, although one that I didn't recognise, and she wanted to complain that her washing was getting all smoky because of my beautiful, beautiful fire. That's fair enough, I certainly didn't want to ruin her washing, and she pointed out that "you're not supposed to start fires until after six". Although she pointed this out from a distance while Jerk barked fury at her. Jerk does not forgive or forget door knocking easily. The "no fire before six" thing might be true so I assured her that the fire was under control, it was going out now and I wouldn't be throwing anything else on it. I apologised for any trouble caused. Of course, I did. I'm nice. OK, maybe I didn't need to ask her what her full name was and what house she lived in, but that was just me being friendly. I even offered to wash her clothes for her. Why she said no to a man who laughs at fire and has a dog that's having a nervous breakdown is a mystery to me. No manners, some people.
Later that night, I was in a service station loo. When I walked in I apologised to the man who was already in there. It was my reflection in the mirror. I'm taking the whole being nice thing too seriously. It's just not me. Can I be a cunt again?
I had big plans for this blog today but it'll have to wait until tomorrow. Put it this way, I've watched Totally Saturday. Oh, Graham, you stupid cunt. It's OK to say "No", you know?