It's taken me a week to upset a fellow performer. Well, it's taken me a week to upset a fellow performer and realise it. I might have done it loads of times but was too busy talking about how great I am to have noticed. Normally it takes me a few minutes to annoy the fuck out of people but I'm having a nice time so it's taken me a week. At least she's famous, though, eh?
I went to see Jennifer Coolidge, the American actress who starred in Best In Show, do her first one woman show in the UK. That is the last time that I'm falling for that shit. Every time a famous visiting American is screaming FIRST TIME IN THE UK, I'm ignoring it. If they're any good, they'll be back. But they're rarely good, are they, Silverman? So I sat through an hour of bum nothing from someone who really should have much more interesting things to say. She starts by telling us that she has some stories about her career that she'd like to share with us and immediately doesn't do that. FOR A FUCKING HOUR. "You remember me from Brokeback Mountain?" No. "I was the bartender who called those guys cock lovers". Christ, alfuckingmighty. FOR AN HOUR. The thing is, despite her not being in any way funny at all at any point and being a lot to process visually, she's still a bit likeable. Not likeable like a friend, likeable like a coma patient who has just woke up and doesn't remember how to talk, walk or think but finds other people smiling at her comforting. Everyone in the room was smiling at her. Well, when they weren't whooping every time she mentioned one of the films she really had been in. "I was in a little movie called American Pie". WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Fucking hell. Personally, I'd keep that sort of confession to psychiatrists only. I didn't smile or whoop ever but, as she was a tiny bit likeable, I didn't feel like scowling or grumping either. Finally, she wrapped the show up by saying "Thank you. You've all be great," then finished by getting angry and pointing to me. "Especially you", she said. Oh, dear.
Muki was sitting at the other side of the room from me, as was Steve Bennett. Muki said that she thought Coolidge had pointed to the man next to me because he was really laughing hard. That didn't make sense because she said "Especially you" in a fury. Maybe she hates laughter and I was actually her favourite person in the room? Doubtful. Muki tried to comfort me by saying "Well, I don't think she meant you". Hmmm...maybe Coolodge is a big Angela's Ashes fan? I asked Steve what he thought but he said he didn't see her do it. He'll still review it though, obviously.
So I can't really recommend that show but I've just seen Colin Hoult's Enemy of the World today and it is superb. You'd be an idiot to miss that show. So inventive all the way through. I can't wait for someone from telly to take it away and ruin it. Really very funny and with one utterly tragic moment that just made me feel sad and hate people. Again. It's important that you see it because it's the sort of sketch comedy that will make you stop hating sketch comedy or start hating all the other sketch comedies. If you have a ticket for Idiots of Ants but not this you have made an error.
Interesting side effect of being vegan: don't eat much, shit all the time. weird.
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