The starting a fight with a man in the park thing really put me in a funny mood yesterday. I couldn't shake it all day. Imagine if it had actually come to blows. I'm pretty sure that I don't know how to fight but I don't need that fact proved and I certainly don't need my face any more fucked up than it is. Why didn't he pick one of the other park dogs to nearly kick? Why didn't he pick one of the million Staffies to start a fight with? Those dog owners would have happily fought him. And killed him. It was as if he looked at me and saw a man that punched like a girl. A sick girl with no fists.
I performed at Fat Tuesdays in Islington last night. It's an excellent club run by Tiernan Douieb and it helps remind you why you would ever want to be a stand-up comedian for a living. I was all over the place because of my ruck-that-didn't-happen and I couldn't focus on anything that I actually wanted to do. I tried to make notes before the gig but just couldn't concentrate. The only note I made was "I am a prick". That was meant to link to some stand-up material, it wasn't just me coming to terms with fact. When I got on stage I totally forgot about "I am a prick", did a little bit of old material (but in a new way) and realised that my "Newcastle" story really just doesn't work anymore. I've broken it.
This sounds like I had a bad time but I really didn't. I really enjoyed it. I went on stage and moaned and complained and whined and got laughs (but not from the "Newcastle" story). It's really made me think about how I want to change my set. Normally I go on all cheery (seriously, I do) but I'm not cheery and last night's 20 minutes of complaining really cheered me up. Thanks for that if you were there. Of course, Tiffany Stevenson, Chris Addison and Milton Jones went on after me and showed me up as the total amateur that I am. Cunts.
Afterwards, we went to some other bar nearby where another comedy night was going on. No, I don't know why we did that either. We got there just in time to see the audience watching Phil Kay doing what he does best: having a nervous breakdown and being mental. At one point a woman in the audience heckled. "You're gay", she shouted. "Yes", Phil replied. "But in the morning, I will be sober". I imagine the audience are still staring. I know I am.
It's the London Comedy Improv tonight at The Phoenix for me. Please come along. Starts at 8.