Bye, 2012!

2012. What a year! It was certainly my favourite and yours. Barack Obama made gay marriage compulsory, Nottingham Forest got to the top of the league of gentlemen, Michael Gove exploded in a ball of fire and cum and Justin Beiber gave the sea a big kiss and the sea was arrested for being a paedophile. It seemed like 2012 just couldn't keep still for a second. But those are just the big stories, what made 2012 special for me? Here's a predictable look back at the last 12 months....

BEST SONGS OF THE YEAR:

"Bit Drafty" by Wang-Man

"Let Me Lift Your Soul To Heaven (And Fuck It)" by Anthony Intercourse

"Party Coffin" by The Generous Flaps

BEST ALBUM:

London 0 Hull 4 by The Housemartins by Nickelback

BEST FILMS:

Moon Pub 

Quiet Northern Woman Gets a Kicking

The Madness of King Hulk

BOOKS:

Don't be so stupid. Reading was fine two decades ago before YouTube and Soda Stream but if you even so much as read this then you're a fucking twat and everyone despises you. That said, all the 50 Shades of Grey parodies have been exemplary.

EVENT OF THE YEAR:

The London Sports Day. Every single person in the entire world came to London to compete in this year's sports day until only one survivor was left on Earth. He came from Brazil and he recieved a silver medal.

PARA EVENT OF THE YEAR:

The London Parasports Day. The deafening cries of "bless" patronised our sportsmen and sportsgirls to be the best that they could be and go for gold! Of course, some never got gold and therefore will never be allowed to have their hair ruffled on television chat shows.

MAN OF THE YEAR:

That dog from Britain's Got Talent.

WOMAN OF THE YEAR:

n/a

So that was 2012, my friend. Wasn't it though? Here's to a happy 2013. Hope you have a lovely one. All the best, Uncle Michael xxxx

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