Time to have your Tworoscope read...
ARIES: You receive a phone call in the post from a tall, dark stranger's ugly friend. He shouts "SPENDTHRIFT" and hangs up.
TAURUS: The moon moves into your home chart and defecates everywhere. A close relative hates your piggy feet.
GEMINI: You talk too much. Wind your neck in.
CANCER: You're still not well.
LEO: This week you will live the life of a lion. Homeless, living on zebra guts and having sex with animals. Flies like you.
VIRGO: Today's the first day of the rest of your life. And the last. You will be in agony all evening with a Viking funeral on Friday.
LIBRA: You think you're so fucking great.
SCORPIO: It's time you took a long, hard look in the mirror. Seriously, who's going to want to finger that?
SAGITTARIUS & CAPRICORN: Still dicks.
AQUARIUS: You discover that your widow has found a new lover. This could make things quite sad at your funeral (Monday).
PISCES: Look how fat you've got.
And that is #YourTworoscope for this week. I predict that I shall see you all again....IN THE FUTURE!!
My blog is available on Facebook, Blogger and Tumblr. It's daily Monday to Friday. Some blogs will be long, some very short. If you're too lazy to read my blog it's also available as a podcast atwww.soundcloud.com/michaellegge or you can subscribe to it on iTunes. All formats are free. That means if I'm doing a gig near you, please come and support it. I give you free stuff. That's fair, right?
This blog is also available on Kindle. It costs 99p a month and I do not recommend it at all. It looks nice though.