Friday, 21 December 2012

Your Tworoscope 2.


Time to have your Tworoscope read... 


ARIES: You receive a phone call in the post from a tall, dark stranger's ugly friend. He shouts "SPENDTHRIFT" and hangs up. 

TAURUS: The moon moves into your home chart and defecates everywhere. A close relative hates your piggy feet. 

GEMINI: You talk too much. Wind your neck in.

CANCER: You're still not well. 

LEO: This week you will live the life of a lion. Homeless, living on zebra guts and having sex with animals. Flies like you. 

VIRGO: Today's the first day of the rest of your life. And the last. You will be in agony all evening with a Viking funeral on Friday.

LIBRA: You think you're so fucking great. 

SCORPIO: It's time you took a long, hard look in the mirror. Seriously, who's going to want to finger that?

SAGITTARIUS & CAPRICORN: Still dicks. 

AQUARIUS: You discover that your widow has found a new lover. This could make things quite sad at your funeral (Monday). 

PISCES: Look how fat you've got. 


And that is #YourTworoscope for this week. I predict that I shall see you all again....IN THE FUTURE!!


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1 comment:

Andy Wilson said...

Uncanny! I'm a Libra and it's like you've looked directly into my soul.