Monday, 25 January 2010

Good Vs. Evil.

Lots of gigs at the weekend as well as recording the latest Precious Little so I felt that yesterday's doing fuck all was justified. To be honest, doing fuck all was always the plan. I love fuck all, me.

Spent the day with my friends, Rob and Linda, and their 10 month old son, Jamie. I like Jamie. He took us to the pub. Or we took him. I can't remember. I was a bit drunk. Then I spent the night catching up on very important telly. The best programme on this week was undoubtedly 9 Lessons and Carols for Godless People on BBC4. I'm really glad this has made it on to TV. It's so well deserved. It's an incredible show full of intelligent people celebrating that underused little shit-stirrer known as facts. Robin Ince is just superb throughout. He's probably the best stand-up in the UK but no-one must ever tell him this. Confidence will destroy him. Of course, I have a middle-aged man-crush on Robyn Hitchcock so I feel compelled to say that he is the best thing in the show but then he opens his mouth and the first thing that comes out is just fantastic. He is the best thing in every show. "What you call God, I call evolution. What you call faith, I call Mum and Dad", he sings and I love him. It's still the comedy that appeals to me most about these shows even though Ben Goldacre is as fascinating as he is modest (I am being sarcastic. That said, he looks like Colin Baker playing the part of Chris Addison and that is as cool as any human can ever appear). Mark Steel, Richard Herring (wearing his one and only jumper) and Shappi Khorsandi are fantastic and Barry Cryer & Ronnie Golden's finale is furiously joyful. It's a welcome surprise that something this good and unique ends up on TV. Ironically, it restores faith.

Well, nearly. At the same time as BBC4 is trying to expand a mind or two, BBC3 is celebrating arse. The thickest of all channels has decided to show a series of celebrity led documentaries looking at the unknown. I sat through all of I Believe In Ghosts: Joe Swash. It lasted an hour and traced the journey of a man no-one in the entire world has ever heard of as he tries to uncover proof of things that are completely proven to not exist. Not that it wasn't entertaining. It was. But only in the same way that the first few episodes of X Factor are. You know, when we all get to laugh and point at people who are clearly mentally ill.

Joe, whoever the fuck he is, met a 17 year old who can speak to the dead (he can't, it's impossible) and I can see why he has chosen the dead to communicate with. No living being would ever give that bucktoothed piss the time of day. He is the world's youngest professional medium. Just think about that for a minute. He is the youngest man in the world to get paid to lie to the chronically insecure. Or, in other word's, he is the world's youngest evil cunt. Still, at least he doesn't drag his knuckles behind him and live in his own shit like the man who tell's Joe that a ghost tries to rape him every night. "How do you know he's trying to have sex with you?", says the celebrity that doesn't exist. "Because he's trying to fuck me" comes the reply that completely proves everything. Of course, the most incredible thing about the doc is that even though all of these nutters believe in the walking dead not one of them, not ONE of them, asks Joe who he is. They just somehow believe that he is a celebrity. Like I said, it's very far-fetched. The next episode is I Believe In UFO's: Danny Dyer. That is not to be missed.

I'm off on holiday now. BYE!

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