You shouldn't watch TV anyway. It's bad for you. If you watch TV all the time you miss out on life's precious moments. I could have sat in and watched TV yesterday but then I would have missed two moments of sheer beauty that will live with me forever. So, if you're sitting at home watching Loose Women, stop it. Get out there. Live, damn you, LIVE!
Yesterday I saw two brilliant old men. They were the best old men I have ever seen because they gave me faith in my grumpiness. I have a New Year's resolution to be a lot more patient with idiots. You know, maybe not ask people for their shoe, that type of thing. But I am wrong to want to change. These two old geezers have shown me the way.
I got off the train at Charing Cross and was walking through the concourse when I saw a group of youths. All groups of youths are cunts and these were no exception. They rushed through the crowds of people laughing, cheering and enjoying life without even a care for the FACT that they are all dying. OK, they might have another 70 or 80 years still in them but they're dying to death. The stupid arseholes. The youths passed me by and walked briskly towards the exit but one of them whacked into an old man in front of me. He didn't mean to. It was an accident but he didn't stop to say sorry or to see if the old man was OK, he just walked on as if nothing had happened.
The old man then did a little jog, caught up with him and shook the fuck out of him.
He grabbed the kid by the coat and just started shaking him really firmly and shouting "Who do you think you are?" Eventually the youth, who looked like he might shit his pants any second, broke free and shouted back at him. "Don't touch me, OK? Don't touch me", he shouted while the old man, who I was starting to love, screamed back "I'll bloody strangle you".
The kid's friends apologised to the man while dragging the youth away. The old man just followed them shouting the whole time. He was great.
I left Charing Cross with a spring in my step. Getting older isn't so bad, eh? You can act as mad as you want. People either pity you or get completely freaked out by you. I love that, me.
I came to the crossing between St. Martin's-In-The-fields and the National Portrait Gallery and, as the traffic lights were green, I waited to cross. The traffic wasn't moving, though. An old man (a different one) sat in his car and didn't budge. I thought I might cross but I knew that the second my foot hit the road he would start moving. I'll wait. The traffic behind him waited too. All of it. The thing is, the car behind him was a van. A police van. Full of the police.
A policeman got out of the van and knocked on the window of the old man's car. He obviously said something like "Is everything alright, Sir?" but the old man's reply was a lot clearer. He started screaming.
"It's stalled. I'm doing my best. Go away".
The policeman got back in the van and waited. I felt safe to cross the road now.
The elderly really are there to be cherished, you know. If you're near an old person then give them a hug right now. Or wait until you see me.
What a great start to the day. Seeing two not-takin'-no-shit old men who arthritically kick arse. Shame I ruined everything by going to see Sherlock Holmes. There isn't a single, solitary second of that film that isn't awful. If you've ever read any Arthur Conan Doyle before then you'll agree that this film does remain faithful to Guy Ritchie. Abysmal.