Friday, 18 September 2009


I know that you are all worried but I can now reveal that all is well. I've finally been accepted by a part of the community and may have found "my people". People who understand and know me. People who get the complexities of Michael Legge.

In my last blog I wrote about a man who threw a can of booze in my face due to an incredible fit of anger sparked by the fact that my dog was somewhere near-ish him. I felt sure that this passionate and inebriated gentleman would become my arch-enemy and forever would I be in the park dodging his vitriol and flying alcohol. But like all the best buddy movies, although we didn't get on initially (he hates dogs and I hate being hit in the face), somehow we have grown into being friends.

I walked Jerk yesterday morning and the gentleman, Nick, ran up to me (I say ran, it looked like he was trying to hold a potato with his arse cheeks) and apologised for hitting me in the face with a can of booze. "I thought you were being a shit with your dog running everywhere", he said insanely. "But the lads said you were OK". Isn't that great? A homeless alcoholic now thinks I'm OK because other homeless alcoholics told him I was OK. What a fucking achievement. I've hit such a peak.

He pointed to the lads and the lads waved over to me. I waved back. I know one of them. His name is Derek and he is a pretend homeless person who has tricked me before (see: "Fancy a drink? I owe you one" said Nick. Isn't that nice? It's rare thaat someone has the guts to admit they were wrong and even rarer that they want to do something about it. I'm glad he hit me in the face with a can of booze now because it's these kind of moments that make this upsetting blip between oblivions almost tolerable. I would have loved to have joined Nick, Derek and the rest of the lads, MY lads, for a drink on that bench but I declined as it was 8.45am and I had a dog to walk and a train to catch. But mainly because it was 8.45am and they were all smelly.

A part of me regrets not having a drink with them and I certainly hope I get the offer again. There is nothing that would give me more joy than for someone I know to walk past and seeing me doing some early morning drinking with my friends alfresco-style.

I'm in Manchester this weekend compering The Frog & Bucket. Last night's audience were very good and I was very, very shit. The lads would have been very dissappointed in me. Come along tonight and tomorrow night and help me do them proud.

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