Wednesday, 18 February 2009

The Worst Person In The World.

This world has seen tyranny in its most awful barbaric form brought on by the likes of Hitler, Stalin, Hussein and, hey, George W. Bush, but has this helpless, hopeless planet ever been so abused and destroyed by anyone as evil, black-hearted and manipulative as Stephanie Quilao?

I genuinely think she is this era’s worst human being and should have all breathing rights taken away from her, her family, people she’s actually met and anyone who has the slightest positive thing to say about her. She is worse than Hitler dressed up as Ian Huntley wanking over 9/11 while telling Maddie to be quiet. I’ve mentioned Stephanie Quilao before but never by name. I only know her by her Twitter name. She is….Skinnyjeans.

Now, we all have an opinion on Twitter. Mine is that its one of the most fun and utterly pointless things on the internet, yours might differ. I heard one person describe it as “crap”. So, you know, different strokes and all that, but what Twitter does brilliantly is give arseholes a constant platform (I should know, I am one of those arseholes) to spout about their lives. Most people’s lives are very boring but that will not stop them from telling you about it every 10 seconds on Twitter. Some Twitter people’s lives are really interesting and we Twitter people wait for hours for them to repost just so we can get a glimpse of how fabulous their existence must be. Others, and these are the ones I’m really not mad keen on, have awful lives but feel that they can give you advice on how to improve yours. Enter Skinnjeans.

Ugh, entering Skinnjeans, what a revolting thought. Anyway, Stephanie Quilao aka Skinny jeans is a fitness “expert”. She has a popular blog dedicated to helping you be the best you that you can be. At least, that is what she would have you believe. This is just my opinion, I could be wrong, but I reckon Stephanie Quilao hates Stephanie Quilao as much as I do and therefore dumps her emotional baggage on the weak, stupid and embarrassingly underfit to make them feel as awful about themselves as she so obviously feels about herself. I could be wrong.

I’m not wrong.

Here are some Twitter posts that the evil bastard has posted recently: “How about a hydration moment: Go drink a glass of water to help wake up refreshingly :-D”, “My twitter formula: smiling avatar, descriptive bio, actively engage w/ others, ask others something about them, be a source of positivity:)”, “I'm thankful for people who have the ability to forgive and be patient when I am going through a funk or learning lesson :) #thxthrs”.

That is actually how that grown adult communicates. Mind you, she has over 41,000 followers to her Twitter posts so what do I know? Well, obviously, I know that there are over 41,000 fucking idiots in the world but I could have guessed that anyway. She constantly has people replying to her posts thanking her for everything that she’s done for them on the road to making them “better”, ie more like Stephanie Quilao. But what has she done for them? She’s told them to drink water. I’m sorry but if you’re so utterly thick that you can’t recognise thirst and have to be told when to drink then you should only be allowed to drink sand. She’s told them to exercise (not what exercises to do, just exercise). Exercise is important. I know that and I have next to no interest in exercise, does anyone need to be reminded of this? She posts recipes. So, basically, Stephanie Quilao is an overbearing mother and those 41,000 odd people are her helpless, thick as pig blubber children.

OK, she’s not for me. She’s there for other people so I can easily just unsubscribe to her Twitter posts. I can stop being one of the 41,000 odd, odd people. But I can’t. I’m slightly addicted. Not to taking her advice but to reading it. “Let’s cut out the sodas”, “You’re so special so let’s treat you to a glass of cool, cool h20”, “I’m down one more size! How you doing?”. I’d miss all that patronising, manipulative, spiteful, passive aggression on a half hourly basis if I unsubscribed. Maybe this is how all the 41,000 odd, odd fucking odd people started. They laughed at her, then slagged her off, then tried, you know, just one of her recipes, then thanked her, then marched beside her then killed in her glorious name. It’s just a thought.

She is evil. Avoid. Avoid but check her out too. I don’t know how you’re going to do both of those things but I recommend it highly. I hate everything about her. Even her name; Quilao. Sounds too much like a word that is rapidly becoming my word of the week. By the way, want to know her post just 13 hours ago?

“For those who asked, here's a simple "How To Cook Quinoa.””

Thanks to TheSophie and Badger237 and Rob Heeney for pointing out her hate to me.

1 comment:

Gav said...

And then along came Tony Robbins...