Saturday, 21 February 2009

The Enemy of the World.

Robert Mugabe is a massive dick. I don't normally come off with insightful political comment like that but the man makes me furious. He gets through elections by using threats of violence to secure the outcome, he takes people's farmlands from them, he used to work at Chortle, he once punched a unicorn and now this: Robert Mugabe is refusing to let the BBC look through Zimbabwean television vaults in the hope of finding the remaining lost episodes of Doctor Who. I fucking hate Robert Mugabe. This is by far the worst thing he has ever done.

108 episodes of Doctor Who are still missing after the BBC destroyed master tapes of the programme in the '60's because the BBC are fucking idiots with no soul who keep sending me rejection letters. Since then some episodes have been found in foreign TV vaults and the occassional car boot sale. But, because of his hatred of all white people and Torchwood, probably, Robert Mugabe has decided that he will keep the contents of the vaults secret. There could be Episode four of The Tenth Planet in there, you despot anus.

I know all this because I read The Sun yesterday, a newspaper that I have only just discovered holds the exact same views and opinions that I do. You are right, The Sun. Mugabe is "Worse than Davros". I bet that has sent him in to a wild, violent fury that a British newspaper has bravely stood up to his hate-regime and told him that he is worse than someone who doesn't exist.

Also, in the same newspaper, was an editorial bile by Jon Gaunt. I don't know Jon Gaunt. All that I do know about him is what's been said on the Collings & Herrin Podcast. What I have learned about "Gaunty" since reading his column is that he is a calm and reasonable man who has accepted the horrors of the world and risen above them. That is, until a recent line was crossed and even this gentle soul could not bare to sit back and watch the injustice any longer. He said that you know things are bad in the world when the Pet Shop Boys win a Brit award. How right he is. Like Jon Gaunt, I too do not care about the Credit Crunch, teenage stabbings, international terrorism or any other global disaster. But where are we good, good people to go now that the Pet Shop Boys have won a trophy? Surely this is the darkest day that the human race has yet faced. I'm sure in years to come we will all remember where we were when we heard the news that the Pet Shop Boys have won a Brit. Please, Jesus, if you are there, hear us. We need you now more than ever. Just help Jon Gaunt get through this one thing. There is no hope for any of us now that the record industry has decided to pay tribute to a HOMOSEXUAL and his friend just because they are both brilliantly talented. God, what a horrible world to bring a child into.

I'd like to welcome Amy Kathleen Tetsell to planet Earth. She was born last night at 9pm and is, what I like to consider, the first of the many, many Real Daniel O'Donnell Show children. Congratulations to Margaret and Dan and well done Margaret on being upgraded from crying, pregnant bastard to simply bastard. Congratulations to all three.

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