Wednesday, 11 February 2009

The Devil Found Me Work.

Yesterday was very, very dull.

The full moon was the most exciting thing that happened yesterday. Did you see it? It was HUGE. That’s seriously the closest my big face has ever been to the moon. When I saw it it actually made me jump. It looked like someone had hilariously put a fake moon in the sky just to freak us out. It was the real moon but I was freaked out anyway. Wouldn’t it be amazing if someone actually went there?

The other event of yesterday was that I successfully made Vegetable Curry Soup. Unfortunately, while successfully making Vegetable Curry Soup I also unsuccessfully attempted a Vegetable Curry. I think you can see where I went wrong. It was very nice. Very nice. Nice and wet.

And that was it. That was my Tuesday the 10th of February 2009. In the absence of anything happening at all whatsoever, may I take this opportunity to recommend some things to waste your time with? In no time at all, you’ll be having ALL your days like my yesterday. Lucky you, you poor bastard.

PODCASTS: As I plainly can’t make a podcast myself I listen to other people’s. I’ve written about Collings & Herrin pretty much every third blog but I’ve also just got into Phill Jupitus and Phil Wilding’s excellent Perfect 10 and Adam & Joe’s podcast is always brilliant. They’re all funny and free. That’s nice of them. My favourite podcast at the moment though is All Songs Considered. It’s like an Alt. Americana Whispering Bob Harris playing whatever songs he feels like. It’s full of great music and WAY better than real radio. Real radio is terrible. If we keep on supporting free podcasts then sooner or later Chris Moyles will be out of a job. It’s your duty to download these now. To iTunes!

MUSIC: Speaking of music, give Hallo…I Love You a listen. Bedroom electronica at it’s very best. It’s a bit like Tim Ten Yen but more heartfelt. Go to to hear a few songs. Bon Iver’s new Blood Bank EP is excellent too but you’ll have to pay for that if you want to hear it. Or you can nick it, I suppose.

FILM: I have no idea why I’m recommending this film as you will almost certainly hate it. I saw it about three years ago but watched about half of it again yesterday. It’s so stupid. There’s one scene where, over the strains of some very uplifting music, a chef gives a five minute long speech about how it’s OK to want to fuck a fridge. It’s called Wet Hot American Summer. I like it.

FOOD: I keep eating crisps. That can’t be good for me but as a vegetarian it’s as close to tasting the meat that we all secretly crave as you can get. I’ve recently been enjoying Cajun Squirrel flavour. Oh, yes, it SOUNDS disgusting but wait until you taste them. Honestly, it’s like licking the top of a battery.

SHOUTING: I normally shout at the TV (I know I shouldn’t have watched Paris Hilton’s New British Best Moneyslut last night but it was great for strengthening the lungs) but I’m finding it just as much fun to shout at other things these days. People who don’t pick up their dog’s shit, council workers, children on the train, the man in Sainsbury’s who’d never heard of Coconut and the BT Sales Team are all things that I’ve shouted at in the last week. I’m sure you have your favourites too. I’d love to hear about them.

DOING FUCK ALL: It’s pretty easy and has really been taking up a lot of my time lately. You know stuff? Just stop doing that and before you know it you’re playing Doing Fuck All. Sometimes I can do this for an entire day. It gives you an idea of what it must be like to actually be in the Big Brother house but with a welcome drop in the amount of cunts.

There. That should keep you busy. Well, not busy. You don’t have to do much to do any of them. If you do as much of these today as you possibly can then you’ll have some idea of how my day was yesterday. Highly recommended.

No comments: