Wednesday, 24 December 2008

'Tis The Season To Kill Everyone.

I may be stating the obvious but, seriously, aren't people just an abomination? I've just come back from shopping and I'm ready to kill everyone. OK, in a way, I was asking for it. I mean Sainsbury's in Lewisham on Christmas Eve was never going to be, you know, lovely but I just wasn't expecting that amount of bastardry under one roof. I don't know if you've been to Sainsbury's in Lewisham but I'm confident that you have a picture of it in your head right now. You might need to boil your head after reading this to get rid of the thought. It's basically a cross between Waitrose and 28 Days Later with a frisson of screaming ball cancer. I don't like going in there at the best of times (not sure when the best time to go into Sainsbury's in Lewisham would be but it would definitely be post-apocalypse) but on Christmas Eve that's when Santa's helpers all come out to get in your fucking way and take all the trolleys. It took me nearly 25 minutes to find a trolley today and when I got it, you won't believe this, but one of the wheels was wonky and always went the opposite direction from the other three. A comedian should make a joke about that. Anyway, back to me. I'm amazed at how brainless people are when they get inside a supermarket. It's like they immediately forget how to walk, communicate or think on any level. The amount of times I said "excuse me" to shuffling fuckwits in my way only to be responded with a docile, mouth-wide-open stare and a single "uh?" made me angrier than Hitler's piles. I'm not mad on Christmas, I fucking hate supermarkets and people are just the most annoying, pointless spunk by-products ever mistakenly created. And every single one of the stupid fuckers, me included, decided to shop today. Pricks.

In previous blogs I mentioned that Lewisham Council, the very benchmark on which all other incompetent bags of useless shit must be judged, decided to close the special needs school at the end of my street. That's bad. Especially bad as they closed it so they could bulldoze it to the ground and build a £4 million site for "Travellers". The residents of my street have been using solicitors, other Lewisham residents and angry, sweary letters to get this stopped but to no avail. The school still got closed and it still got bulldozed. It's a very sad sight to see. I'll be very honest with you, I'm all up for alternative lifestyles and I'm very happy for travellers to have a temporary place to stay in towns and cities throughout the UK but I'm not happy about a school having to close for that to happen. It's pretty disgusting if you ask me especially as there is a big enough piece of waste ground in Lewisham that currently goes unused. Mind you, that's right by Lewisham Council's offices so you can clearly see why that didn't happen. Anyway, there's been a twist of fate recently and I'm not sure how to feel about it. No construction work has happened on the site for weeks so I wanted to know why. It turns out that the Travellers don't want to live in my street after all. They've contacted the council and are demanding a different location. The cheeky fucking cunts. What's wrong with my street, you fucking slate-stealing cunts? My street is lovely. You should be on your knees and sucking all our cocks for letting you live here, you awful sack of unlucky heather. I've never been so insulted in my life. I was told by the council that the price of my house would go down because thieving gypsy bastards are moving in and now I've been told by them that where I live isn't good enough for tinkers. The fucking smelly, gypo, pikey, choosy cunts. Or maybe they've just seen the local Sainsbury's. In that case, fair enough.

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