Monday, 15 December 2008


I seem to be in a bit of a grumpy mood today. My hangover was very late. It wasn't there at all when I woke up and just arrived 10 minutes ago. Plus the thought of a week of Christmas gigs is slightly upsetting. I'm in Southampton all week and, although it's no Leicester, there is nothing to do in Southampton. All my Christmas shopping is done so I don't even have that to keep me slightly busy which will leave no alternative but to actually do some work. I hate work. Work is a fucking wanker.

The gig in Manchester on saturday was very much a Christmas gig. They liked me for about 12 seconds then they all started drifting away one by one. For some reason, I wasn't bothered at all by that. I even started making up a routine about Jesus bringing a prostitute back from the dead and fucking her that I thought was very funny. The audience disagreed which made me think I was probably right. I also got booed when I mentioned terrorism. What the fuck is wrong with these idiots? It's Christmas, for God's sake. What could be more Christmassy than terrorism and Jesus paying for undead sex? It's up there with Jingle Bells and carving pumpkins, if you ask me. I stayed around after my set to watch the other acts who recieved more of the same from the audience. Steve Jameson was loved for a few minutes but that's all the attention span most of the people there had, so very well done to him. How he transforms himself from the Steve we all know and love into an old Jewish man I'll never know. Maybe it's the hat. Craig Campbell closed the show and was fantastic, I even think a few more of the punters paid attention. By this time I was drunk so it was very neccessary to rush back to my hotel room to shout at X-Factor. They turned Hallelujah into a High School Musical ballad. The fucking cunts.

I'm very excited to start writing on an Edinburgh show for myself and Johnny Candon, mainly because it's a good excuse to ignore my own solo show. It'll probably be just me and Johnny fucking around and wasting people's time like we do in our O'Brien's Sandwich Shop Sketch if you've been lucky enough to see that and live. Unfortunately, Johnny and I have very little discipline. We've only ever tried writing together once but that ended up with us meeting at my house then recording ourselves singing on Singstar. Not a word got written. Mind you, we've still not written the O'Brien's Sandwich Shop Sketch but that doesn't stop us performing it about 5 times a year. I feel ill. This hangover is doing weird things. Let's try this blog again tomorrow. Sorry.

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