Sunday, 21 December 2008


I hid yesterday. It was my last day in Southampton and I decided hiding was the most fun thing to do on a Saturday in this town. All day in my hotel room. I only went out for 15 minutes to get a sandwich from Starbucks and that was enough for me. When I told the shop assistant that my sandwich was to “take out” she beamed a huge smile and said “Well, you won’t need one of these then”. She then went and got a plate for me to look at for a second. I decided then that day six was a day too many here in the town that once housed the mighty, doomed Titanic. It was made in Northern Ireland, of course, and all I can say is that it was fine when it left us. Obviously the ship itself couldn’t stand the though of returning to Southampton. I get a sinking feeling anytime I find out I’m coming back here. So, it was all day indoors for me. It was very exciting. I did about an hour and a half of work and then decided to reward myself with two very long films. I’m not lazy, I’m over-generous, thats my problem. I’d never seen Empire of the Sun before and I’m so glad I downloaded it because it was just amazing. A very moving, well written Spielberg drama with an incredible cast. Is Christian Bale ever shit? Even when he was 12 he did sad and world-weary brilliantly. John Malkovich, Joe Pantoliano and, obviously, Leslie Phillips are all stand outs in this solidly strong cast. In fact, only Nigel Havers wavers. HA HA HA!!! I’ve been dying to write that. Then I watched From Hell with the dreamy Johnny Depp. It’s about the hunt for Jack The Ripper so there’s lots of prostitute killing. As if that wasn’t sexy enough there’s also Johnny Depp’s dreamy eyes to get lost in. And a couple of lesbian bits. So, that’s nice.

And now my week of Christmas gigs is at an end and what have I learned? Well, not much. Don’t expect anything from an audience is probably the best I can take away. Christmas gigs are infamously awful but this week has been pretty good plus it’s been nice to spend time with a nice bill. That said, last night’s audience were the worst we’ve had by far and if I ever see Paul Sinha, Tanyalee Davis or The Raymonds again it’ll be a billion years too soon. I hate them. Six nights of seeing them do better than me? They can fuck off. They can, and I suppose, they have.

I miss The Real Daniel O’Donnell Show. If you can make any sense of this advert made for the RDOD Show then you should miss it as much as I do. That said, you probably won’t:

Not much to this blog but then it is before 8am in Southampton. Give me a break. Seriously, please. Give me a break. I’m very talented. Oh, go on. Please.

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