Tuesday, 2 August 2011
I Get So Emotional, Baby.
I feel sick.
I arrived in Edinburgh yesterday and it was lovely. The place I'm staying in is just fantastic and the area around it is beautiful. It's quite far from the centre so every day I'll be lucky enough to walk for maybe 30 or 40 minutes before seeing a crumpled flyer on the ground. The first thing I did when I arrived was go to Waitrose, yeah I'm one of those people now, and bought some food and then spent two hours making chilli. You shouldn't rush chilli. Especially in this house. The area is so quiet and cooking is very relaxing. I should savour the whole experience. I sat at the table and ate while thinking this is how the Edinburgh Festival will be for me this year. Relaxing and peaceful. About 5 o'clock I decided to slowly wander into town just to see if anyone I know is around. Just to say Hi and share a laugh.
FUCK ME WITH A SELECTION OF IRON RAILINGS! THERE ARE POSTERS EVERYWHERE!!!!
The festival hasn't started yet but everyone is everywhere selling their show. My posters aren't even printed yet. No matter where I look there are posters. Massive posters. All of them screaming at me. "I SOLD OUT LAST YEAR". "I WON THE BEST COMEDIAN IN THE WORLD AWARD". "I'M THE STAR OF THE MICHAEL MCINTYRE COMEDY ROADSHOW". You're not but that's not the point. Look, I know this whole thing is incredibly competitive but at least let's wait until it's started before we draw blood. My friend, Marisa, said they've been up for ages. WHAT? What about us little guys? The ones nobody knows. Let us put a poster first, eh? I mean the rain will wash it away in a day or two because our posters are made of recycled spider's webs and psoriasis and THEN you can put your solid steel, really pretty posters up. I think acts should bring their own posters to Edinburgh. Not here yet? Then you can't put your poster up. This is too early. Way too early. I saw a poster of Craig Hill and no-one had written "God, I hate him" on it yet. THAT'S how early it is.
I missed out on the train journey to Edinburgh and I've now realised how important that journey is to getting your head together for the festival. You need five hours in a carriage with noisy actors and bragging comedians to slowly let yourself know that this next month is going to be a massive pain in the arse. Just arriving and having it punch you in the dick simply isn't sporting. All of a sudden I really miss all the people I've ever done shows with. I'm doing this 8 night run all on my own. Where's Robin? Where's Johnny? Where are the other Cvnts? I'm scared that I'll fail on my own, paranoid that everyone will think it's shit, worried about...everything. Ah, the Fringe. It's great to be back.
That's all part of it. The fear. It can't all be drinking and laughing at other people's bad reviews. You have to be a bit scared yourself. That's good. That's adrenaline. You can use that. Can't I? Thankfully I didn't spend the whole night thinking about what will happen to my show. I mean, who in Edinburgh could spend an entire evening just going on and on about themselves? Marisa and I bumped into Rich Fulcher, then we met Richard Herring, Catie Wilkins and Charlotte Jo Hanbury of The Segue Sisters and had a really good laugh. If I can have nights like that then maybe my definite and unavoidable failure will not be so bad. I've got a good show that I'm happy with. Come along if you fancy gambling on something that hasn't got a massive publicity machine behind it. You might like it.
Now, is there any room for my poster, Edinburgh? NO!
Tickets for CURSE SIR WALTER RALEIGH at this year's Edinburgh Fringe are now on sale here:http://tinyurl.com/63mlcrm
Tickets for POINTLESS ANGER, RIGHTEOUS IRE 2: BACK IN THE HABIT at this year's Edinburgh Fringe are now on sale here: http://tinyurl.com/6fclh2l
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