I'm back. I really feel like I'm back. Not just back from Edinburgh but actually back. For a month I've been happy (in a way) and feeling incredibly fortunate. I wake up every day and walk through the beautiful Meadows of Edinburgh and I get to do a show I love with my friend Robin Ince. You'll notice that I wrote that it's a show that I love. I love it. I'm not quoting anyone elses opinion or cutting and pasting anyone elses reviews of the show, I'm just telling you I love the show. Isn't that nice? Isn't that nice to actually enjoy the thing you do? It's that enough? Why do we need anyone elses opinion about anything? AND WHY THE FUCK DO COMEDIANS INSIST ON RTing THEIR PRAISE ON TWITTER?
Look, you stupid fucknuts. People follow you on Twitter, right. That suggests they like you. THEY ALREADY LIKE YOU. Why then would you feel the desperate need to tell all the people who already like you that you are liked? They know you're liked, THEY LIKE YOU. Why they like you is a complete mystery to me but they do like you. So you really don't need to tell them that The Scotsman love you or that someone Tweeted that your show was "good". It's the most trivial and needy thing you can do. When I see anyone RTing their own praise it just stinks of someone thinking "Wow, I hate my show and it makes me sick and nervous but someone likes it so I must be great. Look, everyone! I'm great! A child on the internet said so".
I mean, what lack of faith do you have in yourself when someone elses opinion is more important to you than your own? I mean, I'd give it more credit if the same people RT'd when they got negative feedback. I mean, it's just as relevant.
I made a friend of mine upset on Twitter because I was very mean about his constant praising of himself or RTing praise others gave him. I am genuinely sorry about that. To be honest, I'm not sure any amount of explaining of how when you either praise yourself or brag about praise given just detracts from you as a performer and a person would make a difference. It's my problem, really. If people are happy to do that then they should be able to without my wrath. But why stop there?
Surely, you have been praised at other things. Nice parking? Tell us about it. Made a lovely cup of tea? Well, why are you keeping that to yourself? Urinated without getting a drop on the seat or the floor? Then let us all give you a massive fucking round of applause, you big headed, needy, egotistical shitbag. (I am NOT still having a go at my friend here, he at least hasn't praised himself today) Let's see your school reports and scout badges and sports trophies and book tokens and premium bonds and completed crosswords and sponsored walk forms and Worlds Best Dad mugs and whatever the fuck it was you got in your Kinder Egg. Show us it all because it's exactly the same. Or...
You could just be happy that you like your show and carry on with some dignity. Either way, I thank you for reading this. You're really great (don't RT that I said that please).
Yes, I'm home and the second I got on the train from Edinburgh to London I had a brilliant Fringe moment. OK, I'm leaving the Fringe but I'm still counting it. I opened up my laptop and started watching the latest Doctor Who on iPlayer. This made Steven Moffat, who was on his way back from the loo to his seat, do a double take. YESSSS!!! Then I met him in the queue for taxis and told him the story of how my badge featuring the face of Peter Davison was mistaken for a badge featuring the face of Anders Behring Breivik. I love the fact that that story has such a strong chance of now getting back to the 5th Doctor. Now, all I need to find a friend of Anders Behring Breivik and the circle is complete. Also, Steven definitely said that he was bored of Matt Thingy and was interested in a 43 year old with psoriasis as the next Doctor. I can even pick my own companion, I imagine. Now, which one of you will it be? Hmmmm...
PS I'm really sorry for being mean to my friend. He's an idiot but I pushed it too far. I am also an idiot.