Where did I get the time to blog so much in the past? What was I not doing then that I'm doing now? I feel just as lazy now as I did then but with no time to blog. How is that possible? I guess I was just a younger, fitter, sexier man back then. Now I'm 43. Oh, yes, it was my birthday on Friday. I'm incredibly old now. The posters of Edinburgh seem even more judgemental to me now. I'm really feeling my age too. By that I mean my voice has completely gone. Thank God I'm not starring in musical theatre like last year. This might seem a bit odd to anyone who has ever seen me perform but I didn't realise how much my art depends on me screaming my bones out. That's a hard thing to do when you have no voice. This became clear when I did a gig in Glasgow on Friday night. At one part of my routine I had to shout really loudly but my voice had gone, my throat was desert dry and so....I was sick in my own mouth. They say Glasgow is a tough town to play but all cities in Britain are pretty tricky when you have a mouth full of boke. It goes without saying that it got my biggest laugh of the night.
Now that Curse Sir Walter Raleigh is over I've got slightly more time on my hands so I've decided I'm going to see more shows. I might see a play or a piece of performance poetry but mainly I'll be seeing comedians. I love comedians. To me, it's always a good night watching comedians. Oh, it'll be comedians this year for me definitely. I love comedians. Mind you, let's be honest, there's nothing worse than sitting down to watch some comedians and a male comic walks on.
I'm sorry, I know it's sexist but I just don't like male comics. I think it ruins a night of comedy when the male comic turns up and says the same boring things about his lack of sexual prowess, the unfunny lies he says to women and his broad sweeping generalisations of politics. It's tedious. They're all the same male comics. They wear zany t-shirts or, even worse, a suit to try and convince the audience that he's not in crippling debt after the second divorce and then they just spout the same obvious shit as the last male comic you've just seen. Why can't they be like comedians? My favourites are Bridget Christie, Caroline Mabey, Jo Neary, Josie Long, Holly Walsh, Shappi Khorsandi, Tara Flynn, Catie Wilkins, Susan Calman, Roisin Conaty...well, the list goes on, you know the ones. They're just infinitely more edgy and original to the point where you really don't know what's going to come next. You don't just switch off when they're on. They talk about different subjects in a different way. Last night I saw The Segue Sisters and howled with laughter from beginning to end. It was just so proudly fun, like watching a lost episode of The Monkees (admittedly, The Monkees were male comics but it was a different time then). Last week I saw one of the semi-finals of So You Think you're Funny. There were only two comedians in the final, the rest were male comics. Lorna Forde and Rachel Parris were easily the best acts on the bill but did they win? God, no. Typical. The award was passed to some piece of trouser who the judge obviously wanted to bang. The only thing really missing from this year's Edinburgh Fringe for me is Margaret Cabourn-Smith and Zoe Gardner, my favourite comedy act of all time. Even then, some male comic has hired Zoe to be in his show this year to make sure he doesn't stink out his venue with cock jokes and reasons why X-Factor is below par. Look, I've nothing personal against male comics, I just wished they tried harder. I mean, some of them are good. I saw Stewart Lee and Andy Zaltzman and they're both reasonably competent although clearly trying to be comedians. They'll never be comedians, of course, they're just male comics but good for them for giving it a go and trying to be different. All I'm saying is that when I see a male comic on a bill where a comedian should be I just sit there. I've already made my mind up. He's going to be crap. You know what? Let them have their male-only comedy nights (there are lots of them) and I won't begrudge them having their stupid and ridiculous and frankly pointless to the point of embarrassing male-only competitions but you won't catch me laughing at them. Male comics just aren't funny.
I think my favourite crap show of the festival that I haven't seen but am perfectly happy to judge is Loose Men. "Take a unique glimpse at what the loose male thinks, feels, and really wants from life". Yes, that is unique. If there's one thing that there's a complete lack of it's hearing what a bunch of slaggy men think. Loose Men. I'm glad they've removed the Wo but retained the woe. Male comics just aren't funny.
Tickets for POINTLESS ANGER, RIGHTEOUS IRE 2: BACK IN THE HABIT at this year's Edinburgh Fringe are now on sale here: http://tinyurl.com/6fclh2l