Friday, 18 December 2009

Chicks, Eh?

Yep, I've still got it. I'm 108 years old but still the ladies line up for a length of Legge. Now, before you puke, let me explain.

Three times over the last few days I've been on trains and got smiled at by female women girls. This means nothing, of course. It only goes to show that some people are friendly and don't suffer from the don't-talk-to-me-don't-look-at-me London thing that the rest of us do. On Sunday, while on my way to do acting, a very good looking woman in her early twenties stood near me and looked at a baby that was being cradled by another passenger. She was smiling at the baby and when the baby smiled back she looked delighted. The woman then turned to me with a huge beaming smile. I immediately pretended that we hadn't made eye contact and looked at my iPod instead. I did this for a good reason. When she smiled at me it said "I'm a really lovely person sharing a happy moment on the train" but when I smile it kind of looks like "I will follow you home and eat your flesh". I am an idiot.

Then a couple of days later a man was on the train near me and his phone rang. His ringtone was so loud and awful that the woman opposite me had to look over at me to smile. She wanted to know that someone else thought there was a big twat on the train. There were actually two twats on the train because I immediately started looking out the window. I can't share a smile with a stranger. It's not the London thing to be warm and cheerful and want to share. Besides, she's a girl and if I smile at her she will "know" that I plan to keep her in my cellar forever so she can give birth to my freak army.

What a fucking idiot. There's nothing wrong with sharing a smile with someone on a train. The crap that happens on trains is so awful that I reckon I deserve someone to smile at me and remind me that not everyone is shitty shit. I vowed then that I'm going to be a lot more open to strangers.

Anyway, cut a long story short. A woman smiled at me on the train last night. I smiled back. A few minutes later she threw up on my trousers.

I'm keeping myself to myself from now on.

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