Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Pack Your Bags and Leave Tonight.

Look, why I downloaded Club Tropicana isn't important. That's not really the point I'm making and it's not really part of the story so just get it out of your head. It could have been any song that I downloaded. I could have downloaded Bad Boys by Alexandra Burke or Seven Tears by the Goombaby Dance Band and the outcome would have been the same. My iTunes credibility is fucked.

I'm quite picky about my music and if anyone ever recommends an album to me I often tense up. They're bound to get it wrong. They look at me and think "Hmmm...in his 40's, dresses like a git, looks like he's waiting to die: Coldplay". WRONG! The Smiths, David Bowie, The Pixies, Robyn Hitchcock is more my cup of tea. I'm very credible when it comes to music. My CD collection should have it's own show on 6music. That would change those BBC bastard's minds. Anyway, on Sunday night I downloaded Club Tropicana from iTunes, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHY, and my recommendations are all up the spout. I worked so hard on getting them just right and now I've fucked it all up. I've been so careful yet for one brief second I dropped my guard and now iTunes, a music robot, thinks I like Wham!

So far over the last two days iTunes has been confident that Take That's Greatest Hits and Showgirl (Live) by Kylie Minogue would be just what I'm looking for. After all, "You bought music by WHAM!" I just had a look now and its basically put it's arm around me, winked, passed me Popped In Souled Out by Wet Wet Wet and said "Here. You like this shit".

Admittedly, I used to own Popped In Souled Out by Wet Wet Wet but again that's not my point. DAMN!

Occasionally, I'll admit to liking music that I'm ashamed of. I'm actually ashamed of my own taste. OCCASIONALLY. Like when I bought The Promise by Girls Aloud. BUT I DIDN'T DOWNLOAD IT. That would fuck up my iTunes recommendations. I bought it in a shop. I don't know why I felt like a sex offender when I bought it but I did. Fine. That's a small price to pay to keep my iTunes recommendations looking as cool and edgy as they are. Think of me as a pervert all you want but a COOL pervert. That's OK.

Oh, I remember the good old days. "You bought Chew Lips", iTunes used to say. "We recommend Two Door Cinema Club". But not anymore. And all because I bought Club Tropicana for a reason that is barely worth mentioning.

I suppose I'm telling you this as a warning to you. We all spend our lives projecting a certain image out to the world. In the way we talk, dress, read, listen and watch we are all trying to tell the world that this is who we are. But be careful. One tiny slip and WHAM! The world might discover the truth.


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