Thursday, 11 February 2010

Kraft Fair?

God, that has to be the smuggest title of a blog ever. Kraft Fair? Oh, fuck off. What was I thinking?

Anyway, I got two great messages yesterday. One from someone on Facebook and one an email. They both asked the same question but in slightly different ways. The first, in amongst the many exclamation marks, said "The Kraft takeover is only one of thousands like it. What makes you think you're an expert and why have you chosen this one? There are bigger things to get involved in. It's 20 years since Mandela got out!"

Is it? I didn't know that. But as he's been free for 20 years I feel there's very little need for me to give him my support. I can't keep following him around singing his one and only pop hit. If the lazy shit can't be bothered to write another fucking song he should be slung back into jail. With no dinner. Plus I'm not an expert on the Kraft takeover, I didn't say I was. I'm also not an expert on Nelson Mandela. I actually think he wrote that song when we all know he didn't. It was Madness or someone.

The second said "There are many more important issues to deal with before we attack a food company. Why aren't you this angry about the Haiti disaster? Why aren't you involved in that instead?"

Well, mainly because I don't think that the earthquake in Haiti was underhanded. There wasn't a committee of not very bright but deeply horrible, sly bastards who decided to have a big earthquake. Plus, "involved"? How the fuck am I "involved" in this? I'm a fat idiot who wrote a blog about not eating chocolate until the naughty men make nice again. It's hardly Martin Luther King. Dr. King would never refer to white chocolate in the graphic way that I do.

They did make me think, though. I never normally get all upset about things like this. I get upset about children dropping litter in the street and Amanda Holden's Fantasy Lives. Not politics. That's for Daddies. But I just started getting into the story. I like Cadbury. I didn't want anyone taking it over except, maybe, me. I certainly didn't want someone taking it over, telling people that their jobs were safe and then, as soon as they got the keys to the factory, threw 400 people out. It's OK to be angry about that, right?

Before I go can I do something that I've been meaning to do for a week and a half. Last Monday Andrew Collins and Richard Herring recorded the100th episode of their podcast and I needed two tickets so that my friends could join me. It was a sold out gig and it was becoming clear on the day that my friends would not be coming. That's when Flash McDonnell stepped in. He posted a tweet on Twitter saying he had two tickets that he then gave to me FOR FREE. What with the charitable bus drivers and Flash's incredible generosity is it any wonder that I'm influenced to do the decent thing and boycott a company to show support for it's workers? Thanks very, very much, Flash. Saviour of the universe.

Right. That's my last blog for a while. I need to do some work and all this online stuff is too much of a distraction. I still haven't started writing my fucking Edinburgh show and I totally blame the internet with it's tweets, pokes and naked womens. Shame I'm not blogging for a while really because this week I'm giving up bread, all Kraft products (including my beloved Wispa) and Twitter. I think shouting out the bus window will be my only way to vent for a while. See you later, everyone!

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