Wednesday, 10 February 2010

Chocolate & Cheese.

There is power in a union. I totally agree with that. It's an inspirational ideal and one that proves itself time and time again. When huge amounts of people showed their disgust at the unfairness of Thatcher's insane Community Charge her own cabinet soon turned on her and she was gone. Similarly, it is only when a character in Glee has a change of heart and comes back to Glee Club that they realise the group have a shot at winning the regionals. That happens every single week.

There is power in a union and a union is needed right now to protest against the Kraft company's decision to close the Cadbury factory near Bristol which will result in the loss of over 400 jobs. Kraft, who just bought out Cadbury, have claimed it's too expensive to run and will move the production line to Poland. I know fuck not nothing about how these things are done but maybe just putting the price of a chocolate bar up by 5p might help, right? Has that been considered? I don't know. I just know that Kraft are closing this factory after repeatedly saying that it probably wouldn't close it. David Brent found it hard to be straight with his staff and tell them that some of them would be laid off but at least David Brent had the common decency to be fictional. It's also the first thing that Kraft have done since taking over. They haven't even swam in the chocolate rivers or kicked an Oompa Loompa yet. They went straight to being evil bastards.

So, what can we do? Well, it's easier said than done but, on paper, it's very simple. We stop buying all Kraft products until they change their minds (seriously, has putting the prices of chocolate bars up been looked into yet? I can't find it anywhere). Stopping buying Kraft products might be the most important and horribly difficult thing you ever do. I know because I've spent the morning looking at all the products these cheese cunts now own.

Whole Nut no more, Oreos no more, Dairylea Triangles no more, Ritz Crackers no more, Philadelphia Cheese no more, Buttons no more, Maxwell House Coffee no more (actually, I'm fine with that), Cadbury's Fingers no more, Curly Wurly no more, Twirl no more, Time Out no more, WISPA NO MORE!

This is going to be so hard for me but it has to be done....right? Yes, yes, it does, OK. Look, you don't understand what it's like for me, OK? I go through between 2 and 4 selection boxes a day. It's not like giving up fucking Nestle. Nestle is NOTHING. What have they got really? Milky Bars? DISGUSTING! All white chocolate is the solidified semen of paedophiles (Wikipedia, "Citation Needed"). Who cares about giving up Nestle? THIS IS CADBURY'S WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. What else has Britain got if it hasn't got Cadbury? Ever eaten American chocolate? Like eating a bookmark covered in sad, sad dust. To help life in this country I must practically end mine. I'm taking one for the team (also in every episode of Glee). Will you?

Remember, this is important. Very important. But it has it's pros as well as it's cons. The cons: Even if we go to an ice cream van now we can forget about a 99. Flakes are evil now. Deliciously evil but evil nonetheless. The pros: We don't have to join a fucking boring Facebook group. You can just ban Kraft products on your own without getting poked (in a bad way). Plus, if we all ban this crap for a while we might look and feel a bit better. Just a thought.

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