I'm Going To Learn How To Fly.

I'm not sure that what happened to me on Sunday is a healthy thing. Hopefully, it was a one-off. If it happens again I will definitely see someone. Like a psychiatrist or Cameron Mackintosh.

Glee is an American TV programme that by rights I should despise but, in typically contrary fashion, I love it. You'll hate it. It's about singing and dancing and young people and talking about problems and overcoming adversity, all that shit. It's so full of peppy, smiley joy that I want to kill the entire cast except I can't because I think they're all brilliant (except for the cunt in the wheelchair. He's a cunt). It's a very funny and smart show with every line of dialogue a bitchy gag.Jane Lynch is just superb as the High School's version of Bullet Baxter and Matthew Morrison is perfect because he really does look like Justin Timberlake if he had failed and become a teacher.

Of course, it's flawed. Hugely flawed. The series starts turning into the very thing that it's parodying and the final episode is a big pile of disappointing guff. It also refuses to make up it's mind as to whether or not it's "real". Fine that it has it's own little world but it keeps forgetting that and then rushing back to it when it feels like it. Still, it's a bit of a laugh and, to be honest, it's Buffy without the vampires and that's probably why I like it. It's certainly nothing to do with the songs. That singin' and a-dancin' stuff just isn't me.

OK, here's what happened. Muki was in the bathroom mumbling a song. "You are gold. Gold", quietly murmured from her head and, somehow and from out of nowhere, I was injected with SHOWTIME!

I sang like my life depended on it.

LOVE IS LIKE A HIGH PRISON WALL AND YOU COULD LEAVE ME STANDING SO TAAAAA-AAAAALLL. I sang pretty much the whole song with every bit of emotion and intensity that I could because I had to. If I didn't do the very best I could then I would have failed the school and not got us through to the regionals. That will also explain fully why I danced my heart out while singing. Turns, spins, slides and leaps. I gave it the lot. At the end of the song I was down on one knee (quite still, just waving a little) with my chin leaning on my fist as I smiled broadly and breathed heavily. I stayed like that for about five seconds thinking "Well done, Michael. You were a star today and you showed them all, all those who said that you couldn't go to Broadway, that you've got the goods and you're in your kitchen on one knee grinning like a twat. What the fuck just happened there?"

My face turned red while Muki looked at me with more pity than I deserved. The dog got off the sofa and went outside.

I really can't quite say what came over me but I do know that telly is a big influence on me. I've often fallen through bars, lost my pet rat called Basil and shat on the Blue Peter studio floor but I have never, ever spontaneously burst into song and dance. For an entire song. Glee is very dangerous, as I've always said.

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