Saturday, 6 February 2010

According To Jim.

I have a new hero. To be honest, I feel it very easy to get let down by my heroes. They start great but before you know it they're on TV selling butter, car insurance or12 Iceland own-brand Chicken Yum-Yums. But I just have so much more faith in this new hero of mine, possibly because he has given me so much faith in myself. He is Jim Grygar.

It's hard for me to remember a time when Jim Grygar wasn't in my life (even though I only heard of him for the first time on Thursday) because before that I was a mess. There was a time (before Thursday) when I would wake up when I felt like it, watch TV, do what I want, go to the pub, have a party in the street, shout at children and then go to bed. I had no idea that through all the fun I was having I was actually completely miserable. I needed motivation and Jim, like Jesus, was watching me. He started following me on Twitter on Thursday night and it was the greatest Thursday night of my entire week.

I don't normally look at who's following me on Twitter, I'm just grateful that they do. I've no real need to know who they are or what they do but it's nice to know they're there. Jim must have sent out a big spiritual cosmic mental message to me because for the very first time ever I looked at my list of followers and there he was, right at the top. He had a big, enormous, cheery, punchable smile so I was immediately intrigued by the man.

His profile read as: "Husband, Dad, Marketer, Entrepreneur, Blogger, Founder and CEO of three successful companies all of which grossed 6 figures in 12 months or less". Hmmmm... Why the fuck is this man following me? Surely he knows I'm going to call him a cunt. If he's that fucking sure of everything else, he MUST know that I'm going to call him a cunt. But then I read his tweets and....something happened. Jim just spoke to me. More than that. He held out his hand and, before I knew it, Jim's hand was deep, deep inside me. How could anyone not let Jim just slide inside them after reading his uplifting words?

"When you love someone all your saved up wishes start coming out". Do they? OK.

"May your joys be as deep as the Ocean, and your troubles as light as its foam". Er...thanks.

"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going". Take that, Channel Tunnel.

"Success isnt a result of spontaneous combustion". No, but your balls splattered on the ceiling is.

I just feel so get-up-and-go and it's all thanks to Jim. Since the day of my birth right up until Wednesday I had nothing to focus on and just felt that my goals were messed up and unachievable. But I realise that my life has a purpose, I have a goal and that goal will be met. For the first time in my life I can wake up every morning and say "Yes. I will find and kill Jim Grygar".

And it was Jim who has made me feel like this. I just feel so "super-psyched" about it. Thank you, Jim. You've given me so, so much. I wish that I could upgrade me status to Z-List Celebrity then maybe BBC3 would be interested in my documentary and tribute to the soon to be late, great Jim Grygar. I Believe In Patronising Arseholes: Michael Legge. But wishing isn't the Jim way. It's time to do or do not do doing. WHOOOOO!!!!

Please follow Jim. You won't regret it. Ever.

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