All the excitement of Simon Dowd getting in touch after all this time has made me start thinking about what might have happened to other people who have seemingly dissappeared. What ever happened to Veronica McKensie? She was someone I used to gig with a lot years ago and then she just vanished. In my head she's still going around in the year 2008 telling people that no, she isn't Sonique. I hope that's true anyway. And what happened to Sonique? Gina Ryan was another person who just vanished. I think the last time I saw her was 2002 when she used to bravely point out that Posh Spice wasn't particularly all that posh and that Blind Date was well below par. In fact, the last time I spoke to her she told me that she was writing a TV sit-com for Stephen K. Amos to star in. It was called Love Thy Neighbour 2000. I stopped her there and left. So, maybe it's me that's dissappeared, not her. Surely, if I was any good I'd have been on that television by now. Maybe everyone thinks I've given up and left the circuit, which isn't true. I've given up, yes, but I'm still on the circuit.
And Louise Wener. Where's she? I know she's not a comedian but she was around 10 years ago in the band Sleeper and I used to fancy her despite the fact that she looked like my mate Phat Paul. She must be doing something with her life now? Maybe she's left the rat-race altogether and become a new-age traveller, making money from selling her own home-made fucking awful looking jewellery and soon she'll be moving in to the traveller's site that's very noisily being built at the end of my street and she'll see me and want to have sex with me. That was always my fantasy about her. And Sonia Madan from Echobelly? Where is she and does she want to join in with me and Louise? I love day-dreaming.
How come it's only women that dissappear? Ok, it was Simon I was originally talking about (and Andrew Pipe doesn't count) but it seems like it's mainly females who can't get enough of me not knowing them anymore. Anyway, I hope that people I used to gig with and don't see anymore, male or female, have gone on to much better things than the UK Comedy Circuit. That can't be an impossible task. Please give a moments thought to the people I've just mentioned as well as Sally Holloway, Daft Johnny Vader, Mark Rendell, Terry Lynch, Harvey O'Leary, Neville Raven, Steve Postgate, Catherine Tate and all the other people who have a place in my heart but not in my mobile phone.