Hello. What has the week in store for you? Well, I have looked into the future and I bring you YOUR TWOROSCOPE....
ARIES: A neighbour brings some news about the fucking noise you make and the state of your bins. Perhaps romance?
TAURUS: That internal bleeding you've had will soon result in a sort of party where everyone cries. But what's in the big wooden present?
GEMINI: You're a dairy sign aligned with the planet Hoth. Love comes in the shape of a hammer and your lucky word is "Argh".
CANCER: You don't have time to go to Disneyland.
LEO: A successful business prostitute offers you a deal. Tiny groin pets means moving out and never seeing the kids again.
VIRGO: Not even a pity fuck, love.
LIBRA: There isn't a single fluid your body can make that you won't see today. In a bowl.
SCORPIO: Your best friend is racist, you're in serious debt and you haven't had it in months. Apparently Utopia is very good.
SAGITTARIUS & CAPRICORN: Pricks.
AQUARIUS: A new job prospect opens but you have to think of the family. Why are they hiring someone like you as a stripper?
PISCES: So what if you've just been dumped? Theres plenty more fish in the sea. On Monday, you're arrested for entering a salmon.
And that is Your Tworoscope for this week. Perhaps I will see you again?...IN THE FUTURE!
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