Thursday, 6 May 2010

No Means Yes.

Maybe it's just because we're going through a time of change but I've been bumping into a lot more positive people lately. There just seems to be a lot more positive people around. All smiling and thinking that everything's going to be great and how you should believe in yourself and how amazing the world is. They're incredibly infuriating to be around.

I was with some friends the other night who were despairing of the cynical attitude shown by, as far as I'm concerned, not enough people these days. "If only people could look around and actually see how lucky we are. This world is amazing", said someone who is a grown adult that I thought I knew. I did the most positive thing I could do at the time. I kept my mouth shut and my hands in my pockets. Hence I didn't scream at her to fucking wake up and I didn't punch her to death with my bare fists. Not sure I could do that again, to be honest.

Brilliantly, a completely stupid cunt called David emailed me a few days ago and, without any sense of irony or humour, said "I don't read your blog to hear you complaining all the time".

I didn't reply but maybe I should. Why does David read my blog? I mean, I'm very happy that he does but what can he get from it if he finds complaining so tiresome? Is he that big a fan of typos? Caroline Quinlan made me laugh by saying she reads it "for the relentless optimism and almost childlike faith in humanity". Either she was joking or I have the complete wrong end of the stick about my own blog.

To be fair, the few furiously grumpy people who read this (and, thanks very much, by the way) are hardly going to fall into the positive people category. But these shiny happy people are out there, walking around being in awe of absolutely fucking everything and, hey, moving forward.

They're particularly upsetting today, of course. "I've voted", they say in every form they can. It's pretty much all that will come out of their mouths and they will Tweet it and Facebook it and MySpace it (they're optimists, after all) and let us all know that if you don't vote then the Rainbow Wizard from Bunnyrabbit Lane won't come down from the planet Lollypop and kiss away all the bad and shit solid joy in our wide open gormless mouths.

You must vote, they say. YOU MUST VOTE. I voted but I can think of nothing more negative than voting. It's literally the most hopeless you'll ever feel when you look down that list of candidates. No-one, not even the positive people, votes for who they think the best person to lead our country is. We all vote for who we think is the least shit. A whole list of useless, lying, evil cunts and we get to vote for whoever we think is the furthest away from Satan's Uncle Hitler. But you MUST vote, they say. It's your vote, your chance to have your say, your chance to do what you think is right, your chance to be heard, your chance to make a change. Sure. The least shit in a list of shits will save us all.

I'm negative. OK, I accept that not everyone has time for that (sorry, David) but I'm negative for a very positive reason. A world that is perfect, full of hope, joy and progression is what I want but I want it so badly that just looking at the way life is feels like a punch in the teeth every 4 or 5 seconds. "Hey, you have to think positively. This world IS amazing. We ARE special. Life IS good". Well, it's a nice thought but whoever gets voted in today (and, face it, it'll be that Tory cunt) will fuck it up again. Greedy, selfish, blinkered, evil people in power have a habit of shitting on us, in case you forgot. I hope I'm wrong but I'm not.

Yesterday, I bought a bottle of water from a stand just off Oxford Street. The 1ltr bottle cost me £1.80. £1 fucking 80 for water, from this overpriced vulture who knows that there are thousands of suckers like me in Oxford Street so he can charge what he likes. He also had a handwritten sign on his stall that read "If you want directions, buy a map". Yeah, this world IS amazing. I'm constantly amazed at how we haven't actually all killed one another by now. Later I saw this article online (, read the first line and got sad. Oh, dear.

I just find the negative people more positive than the positive people. Negative people are down to earth realists who see the world for what it is yet somehow still have the strength to drag themselves out of their beds every day and face another 24 hours of horror. The positive people smile, sing, dance and embrace the shit in the hopeless, hollow, dark, cold, empty chance that it'll all get better.

Plus, if this YouTube clip is an example of positivity, I want nothing to do with it:


commentor said...

In case there's any confusion. I do read your blog to hear you complain all the time.

Bob said...

The complaining is the best bit. I care not for those foolish positive idiots. It's not going to be alright, I'd love it to be, but it isn't.

Anonymous said...

Cheer up! It might never happen!!