If there's a good thing about my blog, and there isn't, it's that I treat everyone and everything equally. Everyone and everything is awful. Have you ever met someone who wasn't the worst person you've ever met in your life? Of course you haven't. Everyone is worse than everyone at all times and every single thing is permanently terrible, bleak and smelly. But I have noticed that there is one thing that has escaped my wrath. One thing that I have never mentioned in my blog even though it's just as bad as anything else. Well, that's going to change because it's time I spoke up and pointed out how utterly shit this thing is and then, maybe, finally someone will do something about it. The shitty thing I'm referring to is, of course, Africa.
Have you seen Africa? It's too hot, isn't it? I mean, that is ridiculous. Why would anyone live in a place THAT hot? And people do live there. Millions of people. In a continent that's too hot and way too big and dusty and it inspires terrible songs by Toto. But the temperature and size of Africa aren't the worst things about the place. Get this: AFRICA IS THE HOLIDAY HOME OF PERVERTS. True. A lot of people who live in Africa aren't very well so wealthy celebrities from the UK actually get off on going over and looking at them. Billy Connolly, Lenny Henry, that fucker that wrote Four Weddings and a Funeral and probably Keith Lemon or someone all spend time in small African towns and villages that are lacking in food, clean water, medicine and educational facilities and they just stare at the people living and dying there. Basically, these pampered celebrities promise to provide these poor people health and hope in exchange for gawping and drooling over their squalor. It's SICK but every cloud has a silver lining: while these worthless and perverted celebrities are in Africa, they're far away from us.
This is a chance for us to do something good for the people of Britain. From 8pm this Sunday 10th March I will be writing a blog for 24 hours in aid of Comic Relief, a charity that uses some of the money it raises to send some of the worst people in the UK to Africa and out of our lives.
You can be mentioned in my 24 hour blog which will be updated frequently all the way until 8pm on the 11th. All you have to do is donate to Comic Relief via my specially designed (by Martin Wolfenden) website and a mention is guaranteed. And by "a mention" I mean I'll probably just slag you off or call you a big cunt BUT it is for a very good cause. Plus you can see me working away and slowly going out of my mind via the webcam.
This is something that I really need you to get behind and support as much as you can by donating and spreading the word on Facebook, Twitter and, just for a laugh, MySpace. This is a Comic Relief event that we can all do together and we'll all know we're making a real difference to all our lives.
On the 10th of March maybe, just maybe, we can send Davina McCall to a place we're all never going to go to. Best of luck, everyone.
Here's the website: www.michaellegge.co.uk
My blog is available on Facebook, Blogger and Tumblr. It's daily Monday to Friday. Some blogs will be long, some very short. If you're too lazy to read my blog it's also available as a podcast at www.soundcloud.com/michaellegge or you can subscribe to it on iTunes. All formats are free. That means if I'm doing a gig near you, please come and support it. I give you free stuff. That's fair, right?
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