Wednesday, 28 November 2012


I'll tell you what I hate: anyone who likes Helen Mirren.

I don't hate Helen Mirren, I barely have an opinion of her, but people who like Helen Mirren are dreadful, not to mention the most easily impressed people on the planet. I mean she seems a perfectly fine actress, I suppose, and she was in The Long Good Friday, so she must have something. She's not brilliant though, is she? But her fans seem to think she is. Just a had quick look on Twitter this morning and found hundreds of Mirren fans all praising their favourite actress. "Mirren is gorgeous playing the role of emerenc", "Helen Mirren looks amazing!" and "i FIND HER BEAUTIFUL" were pretty much the first three things that came up but, seeing as the last one was posted by a person called DidyLilMonster, we should probably ignore it all. Still, I think all those comments say a lot about how highly respected Helen Mirren's acting talent is.

Of course, the media are just as respectful of the art of Helen Mirren. In the role of Alfred Hitchcock's wife, Alma Reville, in the new film Hitchcock, the San Francisco Chronicle has said of the her performance "Mirren is still a woman who can wreck a man's life. The real Reville wasn't that kind of siren". She won an Oscar, didn't she, for that film The Queen? I remember that because at the time there were thousands of photographs in thousands of newspapers, magazines and websites telling us how beautiful the actress is. Even Esquire ran a What Lady Would We Like As A Brilliant Girlfriend competition and the magazine got pissed and shouted at everyone about how Helen Mirren was beating fellow actress Megan Fox to the number one position of Best Girlfriend Ever. I've seen a lot of Helen Mirren films and I'm just as impressed. Well, I'm impressed that I can't quite remember any of the films she's been in.

I can't really judge her work, to be fair, but I do know this about Helen Mirren: She's a very popular actress. What she isn't though is a FUCKING AGE DEFYING MIRACLE. You know what? You're allowed to look good in your 60's. It's not weird at all to be older than 22 and still look somewhat presentable. Not that you'd know that from the hoards of idiots who claim to love "actress" Helen Mirren. "Oooh, didn't Helen Mirren look great on the red carpet? She's 67, you know, and when I saw her I was hardly sick at all". "Yes, normally when I see anyone over the age of 30 I start to cry and wonder why the government hasn't shot them to put them out of our misery". "I know. But Helen looks like she's about 15...but, you know, ill".

I hate those people.

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