I hate comedians. Joyless, po-faced, unfunny and incredibly thick. Did you see them on Twitter yesterday afternoon? Every one of them was glued to their TV's so they could come up with more ways of pointing and laughing at an 80 year old man. A poor, defenceless, frail old evil tyrant was mocked by young, cutting edge comedians in their 40s. These people, some of whom have written stuff for The Now Show, saw a delicate octogenarian and they ridiculed him in public. And it was brilliant. Being on Twitter yesterday was a joy. There was no way that you could have kept up with the jokes because there was a constant barrage of them. And it started brilliantly. When Rupert Murdoch interrupted his son to say "This is the most humble day of my life", Twitter practically popped the cork on it's #bottleofchampagne and the party started. It was great, gripping TV and it was a pleasure sharing it with funny people. Then a comedian ruined everything.
Some attention seeking openspot who will remain nameless - and by that I mean he got his biggest spot of global telly exposure ever and I've forgotten his name already - ran up to Rupert Murdoch and threw a custard pie in his face. That was when the comedians of Twitter all stopped laughing. Because someone had made a joke.
Apparently, this had ruined the whole legal process of bringing the Murdochs to justice which confused me because I could have sworn it was just REALLY, REALLY FUNNY. It's Rupert Murdoch getting A CUSTARD PIE IN THE FACE. That is brilliant. It was over two hours into the hearing and we were bored and a man came along and made it interesting again. We'd had two hours of "I don't know", "I don't know" and "I don't know but I will check" and a clown PIED RUPERT MURDOCH IN THE FACE. Even better, Murdoch's wife got up and punched the comedian. Say what you like about Rupert, he's got great taste in women. I'd fall in love with anyone who would punch a comedian on live television. It's what comedians are for. But the comedians on Twitter should genuinely feel ashamed of themselves. They all got so tediously righteous from that moment on that it made me sick. "He has ruined this trial". No, he didn't. "He is making a mockery of justice". Erm, I don't think it was him that did that. "How could anyone attack an 80 year old man like that?" IT'S MURDOCH.
Has the custard pie really overshadowed the main story? Not in the slightest. Has it made this comedian famous? No and if Graham Linehan would kindly shut up about him it never will. Being so utterly pious is the least attractive trait of anyone but when a comedian gets pompous it's just pathetic. Have they forgotten what they do for a living? The pie in the face is a classic gag and it was good to see it back on TV, also it's good to see a comedian on TV targeting someone in a position of power and not just making jokes about blind children. I mean, it's not as if Rupert Murdoch was on the ropes, was it? Was he about to break down and confess? A man threw a pie and the comedy world turned into Bono.
I dunno. Maybe it's me. I just find authority figures being embarrassed really funny. Newspaper magnates, high court judges, civil servants. Last night I was enjoying a beer outside a pub near where the Hackgate Enquiry was going on. There must have been 20 civil servants standing outside drinking and being all civilly servanty. Then a sewage worker came along and lifted up a manhole cover. 30 seconds later, the civil servants got hit by a stream of shit and piss. Comedians would never have found that funny. Bloody comedians.
Remember: Only a comedian would be a contestant on Show Me The Funny. Only a comedian would have "Star of Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow" on their poster. Only a comedian would write, produce, direct and star in Mrs. Brown's Boys. They are NOT to be trusted.
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