I've realised that I have something in common with the man on the train who picked his nose and wiped it on his seat last week. He's only trying to leave his mark on the world. He only wants to leave something behind so we remember him after he's gone. I was wrong to have told him off because he and I are exactly the same. We just want to give a little bit of ourselves to the world.
A couple of weeks ago I went to the National Theatre to see "An Audience With James Corden". That's not normally the kind of thing I'd go to see but a bastard I know bought me a ticket to see it alone. This is becoming a habit with bastards I know. Unfortunately, this time it backfired. I really enjoyed James Corden. He was self-deprecating, embarrassed and gracious. I know! I was surprised too. He talked about his theatre work, Gavin and Stacey and about how he doesn't really know what he's doing. He also spent the last 15 minutes talking about how he spent a long time being an idiot. He became famous and his ego went on the rampage. I think I needed to hear that. It reminded me of something Bill Murray said: "The truth is, anybody that becomes famous is an ass for a year and a half. You've got to give them a year and a half, two years. They are getting so much smoke blown, and their whole world gets so turned upside down, their responses become distorted. I give everybody a year or two to pull it together because, when it first happens, I know how it is". To be honest with you, at the end of the talk with Corden I actually liked him. I know he's a good actor and that was always my problem with him. He's really good, why is he doing all this other shit? Why is his ego allowed to do what ever it wants? But he realises that and I love him now. I love James Corden. That's something we'll all have to get used to. Me loving someone. I also realised that during the whole thing I'd been scratching my leg. My leg with psoriasis all up it. I looked down on the ground and saw thousands and thousands of little bits of me just lying there in a pile. A generous helping of Legge Flakes just lying there for someone to come along and sit amongst. I'm disgusting. But, as I was trying to clear it up (there's no way I could have cleared it all up. There was too much of it and some it needed a hoover), I got to thinking: I'm everywhere.
The chances of you sitting next to me right this second are much greater than you'd think. You very well might be sitting next to me, standing on me or eating off me (I have psoriasis on my elbows too and I put my elbows on the table despite etiquette's clear standards). I bet you can't walk 10 feet in London without touching me these days and has anyone not been on a train without bits of me all around them? What I'm saying is, you are never alone. Chances are I'm right there with you. People often say that they suffer from psoriasis but I don't suffer from it. I just have it. If you ever leave your house ever, then you might suffer from my psoriasis but that's just me trying to share a little bit of myself with you. It's a beautiful thing. A beautiful bonding of people whether they like it or not. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo so that when I flake it'll come out like a beautiful dusty rainbow. You're welcome.
Tickets for CURSE SIR WALTER RALEIGH at this year's Edinburgh Fringe are now on sale here:http://tinyurl.com/63mlcrm
Tickets for POINTLESS ANGER, RIGHTEOUS IRE 2: BACK IN THE HABIT at this year's Edinburgh Fringe are now on sale here: http://tinyurl.com/6fclh2l
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