Thursday, 20 January 2011

Stop The Presses.

I prefer reading the Daily Mail to The Guardian. It's a much better newspaper. Oh, don't get me wrong, I prefer brushing my teeth with a broken bottle while The Script tell me about the new direction their next b-side is taking than reading the Daily Mail but I'd still read it before I read The fucking Guardian.

You just can't take the Daily Mail seriously. It's written by the insane for the insane. They don't actually mean what they write and what they write certainly never happened but the voices in their punchable heads convince them that the real tragedy of Jo Yeates' death is that she didn't go to a nicer pub before she died (but at least her choice of pizza proved that Jo had aspirations of "a lovely life"). What Liz Jones wrote was insane but you can't be too shocked or angry about it because it's the Daily Mail. And it's Liz Jones. She's a faker who writes "shocking" (ie Tedious) things, so that people give her attention, in a newspaper that thinks gays are Nazi's (check yesterday's Daily Mail) despite the Nazi's making quite a ding-dong over their opinion of homosexuals. They don't mean what they say, it's obvious, they just want us all looking in their direction. Well, that's the best case scenario. Thinking of them as twisted is actually giving them the benefit of the doubt otherwise they're just evil. I mean, the Daily Mail couldn't be evil, could it? But, somehow, we've been conned into thinking more of The Guardian. At least the Daily Mail makes us angry, The Guardian just wants to make us stupid.

The Guardian has a little bit of news in it, I'll give you that. But the rest of it? It's a fucking middle-class, twee, backward lifestyle magazine and nothing more. Would you read Hello! Magazine? No. Why the fuck would you read The Guardian then? It's stuffed with absolute inane bollocks. Gossip, shoes, terrible art, pictures of ill looking actresses on a red carpet and fucking pointless "beauty" sections fill the newspaper. The Guardian has a "Fashion and Beauty" section? What fucking left-wing newspaper has a "Fashion and Beauty" section? "Obama's popularity in the States is sliding. Perhaps a hat?" It's fucking pathetic. But at least the choice is there. You don't have to buy The Guardian. You can read it for free on the internet.


The online version of The Guardian is even worse. Not only does pay professional writers to be thick they openly let anyone write their madness for free. They call this Comment Is Free. I call it The End Of Days. I know I shouldn't let it get to me but it did. Jenna Woginrich is a horrible, wealthy liar who wants us to be just like her. You know. "If you're not happy with your food, do what I did. I opened a farm all by myself". OK, let's just assume, as Jenna has done, that we can all afford to buy a farm, what next? Well, Jenna is a lover of animals and has been a vegetarian for the bulk of her adult life but has given up vegetarianism because she realised that not eating meat is cruel to animals.

I know. It took me a while too. Jenna has got it into her easily distracted brain that vegetarianism isn't a money making ideal and therefore worthless. The only way to be ethical is to pretend that you like animals, farm them so they are happy right up until you murder them, don't inject them with steroids and then charge a fucking fortune by claiming that this is healthy. Jenna doesn't get human beings. If someone wants to eat meat then they will eat meat. Few people care where their meat comes from and poorer people can't afford to care where their meat comes from. There will be no massive increase in the sale of "ethical" meat ever because no one gives a shit. If you don't care about animals, you eat meat. If you do care about animals, you don't eat meat. It's very straightforward. The point of vegetarianism or veganism is that hurting, scaring or killing an animal is wrong and, considering the wide range of other food available, pointlessly cruel. If Jenna really wanted to be ethical, and is doing all this for the animal's benefit, as she claims then maybe reminding people what it is that they're actually eating is the best way forward? Certainly has to be better than befriending animals only to kill them for profit. Et Tu Brute.

Er...not that all animals are nasty Roman dictators. Hardly any of them are. You can read Jenna's article here. You might agree with her. You might not. :

I never read Jenna's other article she wrote for The Guardian because it was so painfully The Guardian and had the stupidest title I've ever read: "Jams Secret Ingredient: Effort".

No it isn't.


Gogglesworth said...

Jesus Christ.

I just read that Jenna Woginrich article. I mean, the contradictions of 'it took a return to carnivory to live out the ideals of vegetarianism' aside, and also ignoring the the laugh-out-loud incredulity of the sentence 'now every meal is seasoned with the gratitude of sacrifice', oh, and also ignoring the fact that there could clearly never be enough small farms to supply all the meat eaters in the world and that only a reduction in meat consumption would prevent large-scale capitalist industrialisation ruling the roost, as it were, but yes, all that aside, are we supposed to listen to the proclamations on the benefits of buying meat from small farm owners from someone who owns a small farm?


Adman said...

Ah well it had to happen eventually. I'm generally in complete agreement with your 'people are bastards' rants at everything twattish in the world but now you've had a go at something that sounds roughly the sort of thing I believe in. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? Ignore you and assume I'm right or cave in and go vegan in place of my current 'mostly vegetarian with occasional meat if its farmed humanely' type approach.

Get back to slagging off cunts on trains and stop making me reconsider my own fucking lifestyle choices. Bastard.

Anonymous said...

Right on.

I reckon the Guardian and Observer should be sold on a pay-for-what-you-use basis. I mean, Surely nobody in the world has ever read the 'Travel' section. Or the Business section, Review, G2, the Guide ect. As for the 'Family' section, they could be writing anything in there- no one has ever checked. The Weekend magazine is good for defacing so I don't mind paying for that.

The Igloo Keeper... said...

Didn't Caligula make one of his horses a senator?

Michael Legge said...

Extremely funny comments, everyone. Thank you.

Adman, you're a gent.

Daniel said...

This inspired me to write a blog of my own about the Woginrich article

Scott May said...

have you ever seen the show Daily News? You should do something like that. How can you make that happen?