Wednesday, 16 January 2019

Rise and Shite.


January is such a sad time of year. The grey skies, the cold weather and the look of grief on the faces of friends, family and acquaintances when I reply to their question “So, what have you got planned for the new year?”

I have the exact same thing planned for this year as I did for last year, as I did for the year before: Nothing.

And I will stick to that plan. I will not let myself down. At the end of 2019, I will have comfortably achieved my goal. Almost certainly, well before the end.

Each day this year, I will wake up in time for a nice rest. I will consider and dismiss either getting up or getting dressed. That’s for later. For at least an hour, I won’t even open my eyes. I’ll just sink further and further into the mattress while I listen to the outside sounds of wind, birds and people, all ruining their lives by living.

When I finally open my eyes, I spend a solid hour or two ignoring texts or phone calls. They’re probably important, so there’s no point in me getting involved. It’ll end badly. Plus, I have to keep the bedroom ceiling from falling in using only my mind.

I remember there’s a good book lying on the floor beside me. I’m a third of the way through it and for a few moments I wonder what will happen in it next. Then, in my mind, I murder the lead character, consider the book finished and decide that I have now read it.

A friend of mine once said that when she is having a bad day, she just goes to bed. But I say, why take the chance? Stay there. The only bad thing that can happen to you is that you might piss yourself. Then I spend a long passage of time thinking how bad would it really be to lie in your own piss? Surely, it’ll only be initially horrifying like plummeting to your death or going to work. At first, you realise the horror of it but after a while you get used to it, become numb and then, ultimately, oblivion.

I close my eyes again, pull the duvet over my head and enjoy some more reassuring oblivion.

But it’s no good. My bladder is furious and loud. Plus, it’s after lunchtime now, so time for me to get up and have breakfast.

I cook a Diet Coke by opening it. A delicious start to… er… whatever day it is. Yes, breakfast is the most important meal of the day and I find a Diet Coke just hits the spot. Refreshing and doesn’t spoil my inertia with all that chewing.

There are things to do. So many things to do. I have some unread emails. 3,649 to be precise. But first things first: It’s time to help the arse-sized dent on the sofa with its task of hitting the floor. I don’t put the TV on because the remote control and my mind are too far away. So, I heave my legs onto the sofa, lie back and continue my blurred focus on nothing. At 2pm, I hear a siren and feel sad when it goes past, more interested in someone else and not me. But that’s me. Too unmotivated to do a killing spree or set fire to my house. And ambulances are useless. I was in one recently when my leg exploded. They took me to a hospital and a doctor told me that I needed complete rest and my leg would be healed in 6 weeks. 2 weeks later I came back, fully healed. “How did that heal so quick?”, asked the doctor. “I just did what you said”, I told him. “Complete rest”. The doctor was surprised and said “Oh, no one ever actually does that”.

I am and always have been a model patient. I was born to be a patient.

2pm becomes 3 becomes 4 becomes 5. The day is over, and I haven’t started. If I wasn’t so content, so blissfully happy doing nothing, maybe I could be on TV like my friends. I could be on panel shows and chat shows and Bake Off and Question Time. My friends are so busy that I worry about them. How do they fit their nothing in? When I talk to them, they seem so happy that they’re busy. But that’s comedians. Always masking the pain.

“I have barely any free time!”, they say. Free time? What is that. My day is full. I’ve not gone scuba diving, played golf, read Eleanor Oliphant or watched Better Call Saul because I have no time to do things, just 24 hours a day to do nothing. But somehow, I cram all that nothing in. Not false free time nothing. Not “doing nothing, just reading a book” or “doing nothing, just washing myself”. Actual bona fide, genuine, half-dressed rehearsal-for-the-grave nothing.

It is night and people are returning to their homes just as I begin to wake up and go out. This is not as scary as it seems. My night will consist of just a few hours drinking beer and having the same conversation with friends I’ve been having for years. Like minded friends. Comfortable and comforting friends. They don’t ask what I’ve been up to because they know, and they can’t be arsed.

It is bliss. Drinking is lovely. Like going back to bed while you’re out. The beer starts to feel like the duvet. Keeping me warm, safe and in the dark. And soon the beer will put me back into my slumber. It’s an expensive and decadent lifestyle but fast-tracking, whether onto a plane or into oblivion, feels worth every penny at the time.

Finally, bed again. Exhausted but happy, I turn out the light, close my eyes and roll the duvet around me. As I drift off, I think about what could become of me if it wasn’t for the support of apathy. I think we all dodged a bullet there.

A good friend once told me, in a very accusatory tone, “You can’t go back to the womb”.

Mate. I never left.







I “wrote” this blog nearly 2 years ago but didn’t post it. A few days ago, I heard an album by The The called The Inertia Variations. It’s Matt Johnson reading out John Tottenham’s poetry of the same name. I heard it and immediately loved it, despite being jealous that someone was way better at this sort of thing than me. It reminded me of this blog, so I dug it out and changed two bits. It’s still a blog. It’s not art or nothing. John Tottenham’s work definitely is though, and I feel I’ve discovered a great new hero. Here is his genuinely terrible website: https://johntottenham.com/category/inertia-variations/

14 comments:

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kristy said...

I have no clue how I ended up here while sleepily browsing wikipedia before my pre-nap but what a gift! This is what I’m doing for Christmas rn and I can’t stop laughing. I know the various comments posted over this year aren’t a part of the post but My God they make it even better. 10/10 blog entry I’m Dead ��

kristy said...

feta alcohol spectrum is gonna be what does me in I just know it

Unknown said...

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1
OGNI SETTIMANA SGOZZA OLTRE CHE CANI, GATTI E SERPENTI, TANTI BAMBINI, IN RITI SATANICI. IN TUTTA LIGURIA E PIEMONTE (COME DA LINKS CHE QUI SEGUONO.. I FAMOSI 5 STUDENTI SCOMPARSI NEL CUNEENSE FURONO ASSOLUTAMENTE AMMAZZATI, FATTI A PEZZI E SOTTERRATI IN VARI BOSCHI PIEMONTESI E LIGURI, POPRIO DALL'AVVOCATO SATANISTA, PEDOFILO ED ASSASSINO DANIELE MINOTTI DI RAPALLO E GENOVA
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E' DAVVERO DA ARRESTARE SUBITO, PRIMA CHE AMMAZZI ANCORA, L'AVVOCATO KILLER, NAZISTA E PEDOFILO, STUPRANTE ED UCCIDENTE BAMBINI SU BAMBINI: DANIELE MINOTTI DI RAPALLO E GENOVA!
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Unknown said...

2
ED INSIEME AL VERME NAZISTA MARIO GIORDANO, INSIEME AL MAFIOSO AFFILIATO A COSA NOSTRA CLAUDIO CERASA (PUNCIUTO PRESSO FAMIGLIA MEGA ASSASSINA CIMINNA, MANDAMENTO DI CACCAMO), INSIEME AL PRIMA TERRORISTA DI SINISTRA, POI TERRORISTA DI DESTRA PAOLO LIGUORI, INSIEME AL NOTO OMOSESSUALE PEDERASTA GIULIANO FERRARA ED INSIEME ALLA PEDOFILA ESTREMISSIMA ANSELMA DEL'OLIO ( TUTTI " PAZZI MA NON SCEMI", COME AMANO DEFINIRSI).
ED ALL'ARRESTATO REGISTA, VOMITEVOLISSIMAMENTE PEDOFILO: GIUSEPPE LAZZARI DI BRESCIA
( REGISTA PEDERASTISSIMO GIUSEPPE LAZZARI DI BRESCIA
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CHE, COME VEDETE DA QUESTE BULLSHIT RECENSIONI, NON PER NIENTE, E' PAPPA E CICCIA CON LA PURE NOTA PEDOFILA ANSELMA DELL'OLIO STESSA
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLR-DJJWl_M
RIPORTANTE UNA TRASMISSIONE DEL NOIOSISSIMO GIGI MARZULLO, CON LA NOTA PEDOFILA ANSELMA DELL'OLIO ED IL REGISTA PEDERASTA INCULA BAMBINI GIUSEPPE LAZZARI, CHE, DI FATTO, SLINGUAVANO INTELLETTUALMENTE, DIFENDENDO E PRUOMUOVENDO LE RAGIONI DELLA LORO PEDOFILIA... ULLLALA' CHE CASO, LA SCHIFOSAMENTE PEDOFILA ANSELMA DELLL'OLIO ED IL PORCO NAZISTA, FIGLIO DI CANE, DA SEMPRE SUPER PEDERASTA GIULIANO FERRARA, INSIEME AL REGISTA PEDOFILO STUPRA BAMBINI GIUSEPPE LAZZARI, QUESTO VIDEO, ORA, DA YOU TUBE, LO HAN FATTO LEVARE... OVVIO, SENTENDOSI SGAMATI, HAN IMBOSCATO LE PROVE DI CIO' CHE VINCENTISSIMAMENTE STIAM SCRIVENDO).
IL TUTTO INSIEME AL NOTO PEDOFILO ED ASSASSINO PAOLO BARRAI DI CRIMINALISSIMA NDRANGHETISTA EIDOO
https://valori.it/chiasso-dove-riciclatori-ndrine-e-criptovalute-sincontrano/
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IL TUTTO, POI, PURE INSIEME AL PARIMENTI, NOTO PEDOFIL-O-MOSESSUALE CLAUDIO CERASA DE IL FOGLIO (FOGLIO, SI, MA DA USARSI SOLO E SEMPRE PER PULIRSI IL C.LO SE SI E' SENZA CARTA IGIENICA, BUT OCHO..E' INFETTATO DI COSA NOSTRA, CAMORRA, NDRANGHETA, NAZISMO E NUOVA P2)! E VISTO CHE ABBIAMO CITATO COSA NOSTRA: RICORDIAMO PLEASE, CHE DETTO PEDERASTA PALERMITANO DI CLAUDIO CERASA E' AFFILIATO DA ANNI A COSA NOSTRA: FAMIGLIA CIMINNA, MANDAMENTO DI CACCAMO!
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E’ PURE UN AGENTE SEGRETO IN COPERTO DI TIPO ASSASSINO!
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IL PRIMO DI CRIMINALISSIMA LIVOLSI-IAQUINTA & PARTNERS E CRIMINALISSIMA LIVOLSI AND PARTNERS..GLI ULTIMI DUE, FINITI IN GATTABUIA, SPERIAMO AL PIU' PRESTO, COPIATI IN QUESTO ANCHE DAL PRIMO, CHE HA IN GOPPA, NON PER NIENTE, GIA' UNA MEGA CONDANNA AL CARCERE PER IL FALLIMENTO FINPART
https://it.fashionnetwork.com/news/Finpart-giudici-Milano-condannano-Livolsi-a-tre-anni,245937.html ).

Unknown said...

3
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POI VIA BASTARDI ASSASSINI (GIA' FINITI IN GALERA) RENATO FARINA, "POMPINARO" PIO POMPA, NICOLO' POLLARI E VERME ASSASSINO MARCO MANCINI ( QUESTI ULTIMI, CHE, MAI DA DIMENTICARE, INTENDEVANO AMMAZZARE CHIUNQUE "OSASSE" ESSERE NON TOPO DI FOGNA BERLUSCONICCHIO COME LORO, VIA "DISARTICOLAZIONI DI TIPO TRAUMATICO", OSSIA OMICIDI, RIPETO OMICIDI, MASCHERATI DA FINTI SUICIDI, MALORI, INCIDENTI)!
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TROVATE QUALSIASI ALTRA INFORMAZIONE SUL MASSONE NAZISTA, SUL SATANISTA NAZISTA, SUL SATANAZISTA, PEDOFILO, PEDERASTA, ASSASSINO DANIELE MINOTTI DI RAPALLO E GENOVA, QUI:
https://www.py.cz/pipermail/python/2017-April/013002.html




Unknown said...

4
PER CONCLUDERE, A VOI ORA IL TESTO PRIMA CITATO DI UN IMMIGRATO RUMENO, STEFAN CUMESCU. NARCOTIZZATO E POI INCULATO A SANGUE, ALLORCHE' POCO PIU' CHE BAMBINO, DAL MASSONE NAZIFASCISTA E FILO MAFIOSO, NONCHE' VERMINOSO PEDOFILO DANIELE MINOTTI, AVVOCATO DI RAPALLO E GENOVA ( I POSTS DI STEFAN CUMESCU, DI CUI ERA STRA COLMA LA RETE, SONO STATI FATTI TUTTI CANCELLARE DALL'ASSASSINO NAZISTA MAFIOSO PEDOFILO DANIELE MINOTTI... OVVIO, HA LA COSCIENZA LERCIA, SE LA FA SOTTO A PROPOSITO CHE LA SUA PERVERTITISSIMA PEDERASTA ED OMICIDA REALTA' POSSA VENIRE A GALLA..LA FAREMO VENIRE E STRA VENIRE A GALLA NOI.. MEGLIO MORTI CHE ARRESI Y DE STRA VERDAAAD!!!)!!!!!!
ECCO LO SCIOCCANTISSIMO TESTO DI STEFAN A PROPOSITO ( STEFAN CHE A PROPOSITO DI TUTTO QUESTO, HA POSTO IN ESSERE ANCHE QUESTO FANTASTICO TWITTER ACCOUNT https://twitter.com/APederasta ). GUARDATE DA VOI STESSI, PLEASE, CHE PEDOFILO ASSASSINO E SATANAZISTA SIA STO PEZZO DI MERDA CRIMINALISSIMO DI DANIELE MINOTTI ( AVVOCATO KILLER DI GENOVA E RAPALLO, STUPRANTE NEONATI, BAMBINI ED ADOLESCENTI, PER POI UCCIDERE GLI STESSI E SOTTERRARLI IN BOSCHI DI MEZZA ITALIA, OPS SORRY, INTENDEVO DIRE SUA "ME.DAFASCIOMAFIOSA DI BERLUSCONIA") !!!!!!!!!!!
Ciao tuti e scusate de mio italiano. Io sono rumeno e non me nascondo: me chiamo Stefan Cumescu e sono stato sodomizzato con violenza da avvocato assassino Daniele Minotti di Rapallo e Genova, esatamente nel estate 2009! Alora tenievo 13 anni. E bene, nel 2009, lo avvocato di giri nazifascisti misti a Cosa Nostra, Camorra, Ndrangheta, Daniele Minotti di Rapallo e Genova, mi diede tre grammi di cocaina da vendere misti a qualcosa che te fa perdere sensi... mi fece svenire apposta e mentre ero mas di morto che vivo, me sodomizzo'. Vi era anche pancione pieno di merda, pedofilissimo Giuliano Ferrara de Il Foglio a guardare, ridere, cercare de masturbarse invano esendo noto impotente da sempre. Vi era anche il banchero pure immensamente pedofilo Gabriele Silvagni di Rimini ( di ricicla soldi mafiosi Banca Carim Rimini). E sua moglie, nota prostituta, tante quanto schifosamente pedofila Raffaella Vaccari, sempre de Rimini. Il filio de putana avvocato Daniele Minotti, criminalissimo avvocato di Rapallo e Genova me sodomizzo' insieme ad altri sei di suoi giri fascisti e mafiosi. Ho anche prove di tuto questo. Io, ora, Stefan Cumescu di Genova, quartiere Caruggi, facio il muratore, basta droga, basta prostituirsi (como doveti de fare a seguito di questo stupro, per poter rimanere vivo, per non venire amazato, e doveti de prostituirmi proprie su ordine de Mafia Berlusconiana e Fascismo Berlusconiano, a Genova, rapresentati da questo bastardo sodomizza bambini de avvocato Daniele Minotti). Guadanio un decimo di quanto guadaniavo prima e lavoro il triplo di quanto prima. Ma preferisco di questo, sento la mia vita uno poco di maggiore securo. Ma avvocato di Hitler, Vallanzasca e Satana, avvocato filio de putana di Silvio Berlusconi e Giuliano Ferrara, nazista e mafioso pederasta Daniele Minotti di Genova e Rapallo, davvero fa parte di setta di maniaci sessuali omosessuali molto pericolosi. Ciao. Stefan.
Posti Scrito
Io vedevo in giro uno belo testo che parlava di tuto questo...anche de orge depravatissime fate da incula bambini Daniele Minotti con Don Riccardo Seppia, ma ora non vedo tanto di piu' in giro de lo steso testo. Alora sai cosa facio? Di mia iniciativa facio cut and copy e provo di riproporlo io da tute parti e pe tuta mi vita. Ciao da Stefan e ri scusa di mio italiano ... ma presto volio di fare corsi di sera di miliorarlo. Ciao. Stefan Cumescu, sodomizate quasi a morte da pedofilo assasino Daniele Minotti de Rapallo et Genova.

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Dịch vụ vận chuyển hàng hóa bằng đường sắt từ Nam ra Bắc đang nhận được sự quan tâm của khách hàng trong bối cảnh Covid-19. Ratraco Solutions là đơn vị vận chuyển đường sắt độc tự hành uy tín, chất lượng và giá rẻ hiện nay. Ngoài ra, đơn vị còn cung cấp những dịch vụ đi kèm như vận chuyển ô tô đường sắt, vận chuyển xe máy bằng tàu hỏa hay cùng với đó là vận chuyển container lạnh đường sắt kết hợp với vận chuyển container đường bộ nhằm mang lại sự lựa chọn tốt nhất cho khách hàng của mình.

LEGAL NOTICE said...

REMOVE COMMENTS
DEFAMATION
LEGAL NOTICE

Julia Franklin said...

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