I am in Edinburgh. I mean, I'm definitely in Edinburgh now. You're not really at the Edinburgh Fringe until something awful or upsetting or completely stupid happens. Well, I had my first one of those yesterday.
As I left The Stand Comedy Club's Best of Irish show (that's right. I'm one of the very best Irish things ever), I walked up York Place and a Scottish lady stopped me to ask for directions. She was very, very, very, very Scottish. Her accent was amazing. "Excuse me", she said. "Do you know where The Stand is, please?" I did know where The Stand was. It's one of the loveliest places in the world and it was right at the end of this road. I gave the lady the information and then, in an accent thicker than a vomiting man with a lisp, she said "SHIT HEAD".
Brilliant. I've got myself in my first fight of the Fringe. It never takes long so I wasn't that surprised. I thanked the lady and once again she stared at me and loudly said "SHIT HEAD".
Yeah, alright, love. So maybe I'm NOT one of the best things about Ireland but I never made the claim. Blame The Stand. They booked me. I suppose The Undertones, Tayto crisps and the Giant's Causeway were busy so they were lumped with me. It's not my fault. I don't deserve to be shouted at like that. I gave the woman one of my looks (you know the one. I'll have looked at you like that before, I'm sure) and I said "What's your problem?" She looked at me like she was talking to the stupidest man on Earth and slowed her accent way down. "IS. IT. STRAIGHT. AHEAD?"
Ah, Edinburgh. There you are.
I have a new thing to hate about posters on the Fringe too. That's fun. I've seen the same really pointless press quote on a lot of posters and I can't even begin to understand what it means: "Refreshingly honest". How the fuck can anything be refreshingly honest? Isn't being honest utterly normal? Who the hell have these critics been watching that they think ANYONE is refreshingly honest? Has Richard Nixon got a one man show? Did they all take Pinocchio THAT seriously? Is Joe Power the only person that they have ever seen in their entire lives? And why would a comedian want the quote "Refreshingly honest" on their poster anyway? It doesn't say anything. No one gets excited by the truth. No one leaves a comedy show happily saying "I never laughed once but, Jesus Christ, I never doubted that guy for a second. I feel like I've just stepped out of a citrus shower. I am so fucking amazingly god damned refreshed". No, the only reason that a comedian would have "Refreshingly honest" is because they're delighted that, once again, they've got away with lying.
I've seen two shows so far and I can highly recommend them both: Bad Musical on at the Gilded Balloon at 5pm and Claudia O'Doherty at Underbelly at 7.45pm. My show was great fun yesterday. It's still a complete mess but a fun mess. Plus it's mostly true stories. Mostly. There are two complete lies in it and one stretching of the truth, I can admit that. Which is so refreshing.
Get more Legge embarrassment at the Edinburgh Fringe. I'm very proud and happy to say that my show, Michael Legge: What a Shame, is on nearly every day of the fringe at the fantastic Stand Comedy Club. Here's info: http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/michael-legge-what-a-shame
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