Time to have your Tworoscope read...
ARIES: You receive a phone call in the post from a tall, dark stranger's ugly friend. He shouts "SPENDTHRIFT" and hangs up.
TAURUS: The moon moves into your home chart and defecates everywhere. A close relative hates your piggy feet.
GEMINI: You talk too much. Wind your neck in.
CANCER: You're still not well.
LEO: This week you will live the life of a lion. Homeless, living on zebra guts and having sex with animals. Flies like you.
VIRGO: Today's the first day of the rest of your life. And the last. You will be in agony all evening with a Viking funeral on Friday.
LIBRA: You think you're so fucking great.
SCORPIO: It's time you took a long, hard look in the mirror. Seriously, who's going to want to finger that?
SAGITTARIUS & CAPRICORN: Still dicks.
AQUARIUS: You discover that your widow has found a new lover. This could make things quite sad at your funeral (Monday).
PISCES: Look how fat you've got.
And that is #YourTworoscope for this week. I predict that I shall see you all again....IN THE FUTURE!!
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1 comment:
Uncanny! I'm a Libra and it's like you've looked directly into my soul.
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